The Rosie and Roula Show

Are You Too Polite to Say NO? How to Escape Awkward Situations

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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We’ve all been trapped in a conversation, a meeting, or a moment that feels endless. Whether it’s a well-meaning neighbor, a friend who overshares, or a social trap you didn’t see coming, Rosie and Roula are here to help you exit with grace—without guilt.

In this hilarious and honest episode, Rosie recounts a 3-hour ordeal involving van repairs, unsolicited “help,” and a man who clearly thinks a spanner is a spoon. Roula delivers the blunt truth: it’s perfectly okay to say, “I want you to leave now.”

Inside this episode, you’ll discover:

  • Why saying no and setting boundaries is so hard
  • How gender dynamics sneak into “helpful” situations
  • When politeness backfires—and what to do instead
  • Practical scripts to exit awkward interactions with kindness and clarity
  • Tips for the polite pushovers, boundary-challenged, and anyone who’s ever faked a text to escape

Take this episode as your holiday permission slip to prioritize your comfort, communicate directly, and navigate social challenges with humor and confidence.

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Rosie (00:00)
Hang on a minute, okay.

Roula (00:02)
Rosie, I have a new glass today. I'm putting water in it. But actually, it's a glass to drink absinthe Do I have absinthe at home? Yes. Do I drink it? No, because I can't handle alcohol anymore. Yes, we were my husband and I were watching the series. Oh, I forgot the name. Not the alchemist. Something in like in the year 30s or 20s.

Rosie (00:05)
Yeah.

too old.

Roula (00:31)
and were drinking a lot of Absinthe. So we wanted to do the same and try it. We bought special glasses, we bought a strainer, beautiful strainer with this dark sugar and four different kinds of Absinthe to try. We haven't tried any.

Rosie (00:33)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Wow.

sitting there.

Roula (00:53)
sitting there I thought yeah I might as well drink water in this nice vintage glass

Rosie (01:00)
It's very interesting. I've never seen a glass like that. It's cool. I like it.

Roula (01:03)
And you know what,

like you put the absent in it, you put the strainer, the sugar and you light it up and then you throw the sugar in the absent.

Rosie (01:17)
was imagining

you would say you pour the absinthe over the sugar, but no, you set it on fire and chuck it in. Why not?

Roula (01:23)
You set it on

fire, yes. I can't remember how you set it on fire. This is how it works. ⁓ Yeah, so.

Rosie (01:31)
Cool story about absinthe that you don't drink. Go you.

Roula (01:40)
talking about alcohol. Tell me what do you have for me or

Rosie (01:55)
a day, Roula What a day. I need some help. And we did an episode on this and we did not do a very good job. It was related to this. It was about getting out of bad conversations.

Roula (02:11)
Okay, okay.

Rosie (02:11)
And we were meant

to give advice in that episode about how to get out of said situation. Well, today I'm working on my van and I was having trouble doing one thing. I'm in the bonnet trying to reach something's really difficult and I've got new neighbors. They come over, ask me how I'm doing. I'm like, oh, I'm, you know, on the verge of just swearing and getting cranky. And I explained to them what I was trying to do.

And they went, oh, I might have a tool to help you do that. So I brought over a few tools. I went, oh, thank you. And I continued on my way. And they kept coming back. I was like, okay.

And then they offered to help and I thought, well, okay, you can never go because I'm getting the shits. This is annoying me. Ruler.

three hours this person would not leave. They would not let me work on the van because they were taking over and I was trying to say things like, I might break for lunch now and then I'll come back with a fresh fresh eyes and I'm sure I can figure it out. No. I tried saying, thanks so much for your help, ⁓ you know you gave it a red hot shot and then I'd try things like ⁓

Roula (03:17)
this.

Rosie (03:27)
I can't even remember what else I tried, but it wasn't working. Three hours. I was just sitting there and he was doing an awful job. You know what?

Roula (03:36)
Was he under the fan?

Rosie (03:38)
both under and then up in the bonnet and blah blah blah.

Roula (03:41)
When you missed your moment, the time he was under the van, you could have released the van and boom!

Rosie (03:46)
my god, except the van doesn't start. That's awful, Rula. That is awful. You-

Roula (03:52)
That's what

they do in movies.

Rosie (03:55)
No wonder you got arrested in the last episode. ⁓

Roula (04:04)
So you don't want to take my advice.

Rosie (04:04)
Like,

what's your advice? No, hang on. I haven't finished. Let me, let me continue. This guy has no idea what he's doing. You know how some people are quite handy and they're pretentious. Well, I suppose this is just a man who thinks he can do better than a woman. I think he thought he was being helpful, but three hours and he's just failing miserably. And you know what? He called.

Roula (04:15)
Pretentiously handy.

Rosie (04:34)
Pliers, a spanner.

He doesn't even know what a basic tool is called. So yeah, was not helpful at all. He's cut through the hose. He's like, anyway, don't want to go there. The point is, you let's not even go there. So the problem wasn't solved. didn't get to solve it today because three hours were wasted of him making the problem worse. But what was, what should I have done?

Roula (04:50)
⁓ goodness.

Rosie (05:06)
I, it was awful that situation.

Roula (05:09)
than

release the van to just smash him? okay okay okay yeah you know what sometimes you don't need them to lend you so you can't just be blunt and tell them you know I really want you to leave now why can't you say I really want you to leave now

Rosie (05:11)
Yes, because that's not an option. I'm not going to do that. Yeah.

Hmm. Why do I find

that so difficult? I feel like you're the kind of person who could say that. Yeah, but he was pissing me off. An event, you know how I got rid of him.

Roula (05:35)
Because you don't want to hurt these fucking feelings. That's why.

In the beginning

you thought he's helpful and then you came to realize he doesn't know what he's doing.

Rosie (05:47)
No fucking idea. No idea. The neighbor on the other side, he's great. He's helped me a few times, but he doesn't hang around. And he's a lot better. He's very handy and skilled. And when I have asked for his help, it's usually like a 10 minute thing and he solves it. Or if he can't, he'll go, ⁓ sorry. And then he'll leave me alone. He just leaves me be. He knows I'm an independent woman. I like to do my thing. And if I want help, I'll ask for it.

and I forgot where I was going. Oh yes, this guy, the way I got rid of him, said, oh, I've got a couple of other parts. I think I'm going to install them now. I need to do something else. And he's under the band when I said that. And he didn't acknowledge that he heard what I said. And I'm like, what the, like what? And eventually he comes out 10 minutes later and he goes, I don't like being defeated. And in my head, I'm like, yeah, no shit, mate.

Roula (06:14)
Yeah.

So rosier, yeah.

Rosie (06:43)
This is all about your ego. Like, my God. But he finally fucking left. So your advice is say, I want you to leave now.

Roula (06:50)
Hmm.

Yes.

Rosie (06:59)
Okay.

Roula (07:00)
I have a moment of silence because it's not easy. You know, did you return the tools?

Rosie (07:11)
Mm-mm. Because I might need them tomorrow. Yeah, I might need them tomorrow. I don't have them.

Roula (07:12)
Do you need those tools? No.

You go get your tools and you give him his tools. You don't need anything from them. my goodness, I'm being very blunt.

Rosie (07:21)
No, but I, I do, I do

need them though. That's the fact that things I don't have that I need to try and get this part out. ⁓ so that was helpful. That part was helpful.

Roula (07:31)
Yeah, you know, because this is the thing.

To say to someone bluntly and strongly, I really need you to leave now. No, I really need you. I want you to leave now and keep their tools that put you in an awkward position.

Rosie (07:41)
Hmm.

Yeah.

Sure. ⁓

Roula (07:52)
That's my opinion. Maybe there's another way to say, okay, thank you for the tools and I can do it myself.

Rosie (07:53)
⁓ yeah. I guess I could go by my own. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that's a better approach. Yes. Yes. Hmm. but you know what? You know what else happened? Yeah, fine. Okay. You know what else happened? I went in the van for lunch and I thought he'd, there was a mutual agreement. He was going for lunch. He walked off. I'm in the van. I'm having lunch, just relaxing a bit, decompressing. I come out.

Roula (08:04)
And if they don't listen, then Rosie, have to give them their tools.

Rosie (08:23)
And he's back under the van again. He just started working on the van without telling me and I didn't even hear him. I'm like...

think you crossed a line there, mate.

Roula (08:32)
Please

go and check maybe he's under the van now too.

Rosie (08:35)
God, that's creepy. No.

I got to say though, I should take responsibility. I should have said something. I was being pissed off. I was getting pissed off. How was he to know that? He thought he was being helpful. He also called me Dal. I don't like that. Darling. So here's Dal, which I guess is confusing because Dal is also food.

Roula (08:54)
What does that mean?

⁓ okay. Darn.

Wow, wow. All right, all right. This is, yeah. ⁓

Rosie (09:10)
Anyway, I've had my rant,

but I'm feeling uncomfortable because actually the responsibility is mine to deal with that situation. So as annoying as it was.

I have to take accountability for that. I gotta do better, because that was three hours I'll never get back.

Roula (09:26)
And there were no signs that these neighbors

can be a glue.

Rosie (09:31)
No, they've been friendly and yeah, no. He had good intentions, it just, he overstayed his welcome. And I guess I was trying to be indirect to get him to go and it didn't work. ⁓ Anyway.

Roula (09:47)
Yeah. And why did you

think he can help you? Because he's a man and he works on stuff.

Rosie (09:54)
No. I thought, well, yeah, maybe he can, because sometimes people do. Sometimes people find it easier than you. thought, okay, I wasn't expecting him to stay for three hours. You know what we were trying to do? Remove a clip ruler, just a clip, holding a pipe on or a hose on. And I thought he'd realize, okay, this is really tricky. Maybe, you know, 10, 15 minutes, maybe half an hour. No.

He just took it on that.

Roula (10:23)
But also if

he broke something, you're going to fix it. If he screwed up, hit something, broke something, you know, you're the one who has to get the shit, not him.

Rosie (10:27)
Hmm.

Yeah.

This is true. Yeah, I know,

I know. I got myself in this situation and I'm gonna have to be careful because I'll be working on the van again tomorrow. So I'll be like, no, this space is mine. Thank you, but I'd like to do this by myself. That's that I'm practicing. Thank you for offering to help. I'd like to do this by myself. I'll let you know how I go.

Roula (10:55)
No, you don't have to, you don't owe him to let him know how it goes. Don't say that. No, this is again, again, you being too nice and make him feel like he's waiting because you're going to need his help. No, I want to do it myself. Thank you for the tools. I'll get them back to you as soon as possible.

Rosie (10:58)
No, but it just feels polite.

Okay, so cold. But why not? Yeah. But I gotta live next to these people. Okay, okay, true. Yes, this is true. Okay, so in other words, I just need to be brave and say, leave.

Roula (11:15)
Yes! Yeah, why not? You can be kind another time.

Yeah, and not sugar-coated with something to ease their feelings.

Rosie (11:34)
Yeah, not good at this, not good at this. Okay, yep, well, we'll see how I go tomorrow.

Roula (11:36)
Say what you want and that's it.

You don't owe him

to let him know how it went. You don't. Everything you do is get them a jar of jam of jam, jam and I'd what do you call it? The other one, the the the the thing that you might jam and I'd get them a pot of Vegemite. Thank you. Thank you for the tools. And that's it.

Rosie (11:46)
Okay.

Sure, sure. Yeah, sure.

Vegemite. Jamonite. That sounds kind of cool.

Okay, alright, sure.

Roula (12:10)
He felt

because he gave you the tools he can barge in and work on your van also. So why? No, you needed the tools. You don't need them.

Rosie (12:22)
Yes, yes, you are. I needed you here, Roa. I really did. You would have sorted it out for me. Show me how it's done. Anyway, let us know. Let us know. Yes.

Roula (12:23)
Alright, now I'm rambling. Let's wrap it up.

If he's under your van and I'm not sleeping,

it's not night time here, you call me and I'll like pimp you up with what you have to say and you go and say it. Pump you, not pimp you, pump you. I'll pump you. don't know. Pimp. That is gay.

Rosie (12:42)
All right. Okay. Deal. I thought pimp you was funny though. Pimp you up. Whatever that means.

sounds a bit risky.

Oh, let us know. How do you get out of bad, awkward situations, ones you don't want to be in? Are you a bit like me? You're a bit of a pushover. You're too polite, too indirect. Like that situation was on me. I set it up and I let it continue for three fricking hours. Shame on me. I'm going to do better. Thank you for the words of Wisdom Ruler. I will do my best.

Roula (13:04)
Ew.

Be kind to yourself. Bye listeners.

Bye!