The Rosie and Roula Show

The Most Stressful Question Ever: “What’s for Dinner?”

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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From the archives — a classic conversation from The Rosie & Roula Show, reshared while we take a short break 💛

Why that simple question sparks so much tension, invisible labor, and unspoken rules around food planning and hosting.

A relatable conversation about mental load, food decisions, and unspoken expectations at home.

mental load, dinner stress, relationships podcast, household dynamics

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Rosie (00:00)
Hello dear listener, this is another episode that was recorded live on TikTok. So if the audio is a bit different, the format's a bit different, don't stress. We were live on TikTok having the time of our lives. By the way, we'll be doing a lot more of that. So go follow us over on TikTok. And in the meantime, enjoy this episode.

Roula (00:32)
Alright Rosie, I invited you. And don't be mean to me on live.

Rosie (00:38)
can be mean if I want to.

Roula (00:40)
Don't! No you can't! Because I won't allow you!

Rosie (00:43)
That's just resting

bitch tongue. That's alright. Resting bitch tongue.

Roula (00:46)
No!

No, it's not alright, not today. Because I'm not in the mood. Not today.

Rosie (00:49)
Not today. ⁓ so

we can't have banter? No banter today?

Roula (00:54)
Yeah, we can, but if it's a banter where you're attacking me, that's not a banter.

Rosie (01:01)
Oh, I won't attack. I don't

attack you as if.

We need a question, Roa.

Roula (01:08)
⁓ uh-uh.

Yes, yes, I do have a question.

Probably you remember this from growing up with your parents, with your mom. There is one question I remember all my life that still we ask it today every single day in our household. And sometimes it causes argument and stress. And the question is

What are we gonna eat tonight? What are we having for dinner tonight?

This stressful question.

Rosie (01:43)
Okay, I want you to start this one, yeah.

Who makes that decision in your household?

Roula (01:52)
⁓ that is a good question.

Rosie (01:55)
Cause I feel like there's usually one

person that kinda has the final say here.

Roula (02:01)
And is that the one person, the one who's cooking or who's doing the groceries?

Rosie (02:05)
think so.

Yeah.

Roula (02:07)
okay

so let me tell you how it goes in my house and then why i think of my mom so many times this happens so i am the most difficult person in the house with food

Rosie (02:10)
Yes, yes, yes.

Okay, yeah.

Roula (02:23)
So if someone is cooking for me, it has to meet my standards. And I'm not fun in this, but I shut my mouth because I'm also grateful that someone else have cooked and not me. Yeah. All right. So I learned to just be grateful, shut my mouth and eat. The thing is, I do ask them, what do you like to eat tonight? And the problem is.

Rosie (02:35)
Yeah,

Okay.

Roula (02:51)
9 out of 10 what they suggest is not what I want to eat.

Rosie (02:57)
in.

Roula (03:01)
so my reason of asking is very different than from my mom's reason for asking. So let me continue with mine. And because what they suggested is something I don't eat, I realized why I asked them is to have an inspiration, but not necessarily because I want to cook what they're suggesting.

Rosie (03:07)
Yes.

you

You need some ideas, yeah, okay.

Roula (03:27)
Yes, only now

that my daughter is 22, she cooks for us and her cooking is amazing and I love what she cooks.

Rosie (03:34)
Okay.

Mmm. She got

it from her mom?

Roula (03:41)
She would never say yes to that. No, no, no, no. It's her own cooking. It has nothing to do with her mama. While when my mom used to ask us what we want to eat, she would go out of her way to cook what we asked for.

Rosie (03:46)
⁓ okay. Okay.

Wow!

Wow! Wow!

Roula (04:01)
Hashtag selfish mom. For my mom, hashtag loving mom.

Rosie (04:11)
Yeah, that's hard. You know when I actually want people to make suggestions is when I'm writing a shopping list. Like, ⁓ what do you want for dinner this week? Because I do a weekly shop. Obviously it's just me now, but when I was in a relationship. And it would drive me nuts if they just go, I don't know. And then, so I'd have to decide. And then when I'm cooking meals, there'd be complaints. And I'm like, well, when I asked your opinion, you said, I don't know, it doesn't matter. I'll have whatever you want.

Roula (04:42)
And you know what's the issue with this is that we're not always in the mind space to know what we want to eat. If someone just had breakfast or not hungry, they will not know what to eat. But we're on the spot. I'm going to do groceries and you have to tell my husband, he's in the supermarket. He calls me. What do we eat for dinner? But he's in the supermarket. So I don't have time to go on Pinterest or ask Judge GPT or look back in my recipes.

Rosie (04:50)
This is true.

Yeah. Yeah, you don't-

⁓ god, ⁓ my god,

so extra.

Roula (05:14)
Why am I so exited? I hate that.

Rosie (05:15)
is so extra. I only say

that because my God, I just go through, I just think. I haven't looked for recipe inspiration in so long. That's not like one of my regular things. I feel like really basic now.

Roula (05:31)
The problem with looking for recipes inspiration is that I cook something once, it's so good, I never remember what it was, but then my pantry is full of spices and ingredients for a recipe that I made once and I don't know anymore what to do with them.

Rosie (05:39)
Mmm.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

⁓ gosh, yeah. that's hard.

Roula (05:55)
Yeah, yeah.

Sometimes I ask mothers from school when we're waiting for the kids. So what are you having for dinner tonight? Yeah, and I'm never satisfied with their answer because they take it lightly, but I'm serious.

Rosie (06:02)
Mmm.

Why do we...

Yeah, you actually want to know. Food is so important, isn't it? But it's hard because you have to plan in advance, but you're right, you don't necessarily know what you're going to feel like.

Roula (06:12)
You

⁓ okay. have another answer and this like drives me crazy. When I ask, ⁓ and they say, ⁓ something simple, vegetable meat. And I'm like, this is five pans that's going to be dirty. One for the meat, one for the potatoes, one for the broccoli, one for the sauce and one for, I don't know why, because I just made it dirty. This is not an easy cookie for me. Easy cooking one pan thing.

Rosie (06:25)
Mmm!

Okay.

my god.

my God!

Right, yeah,

I like doing one-pan things definitely especially being in a van

Roula (06:57)
Yeah, so this is...

Rosie (06:58)
he's one. He's one. This

isn't to do with asking what you eat, but...

We were talking recently about things that tick you off. You know what one of mine is that's to do with food? If I've cooked a meal and the other person doesn't acknowledge, like, thank you. Thanks for making dinner. You're welcome.

I feel like maybe you're-

Roula (07:22)
And that person, would that person

be doing the dishes afterwards? Is it, are the tasks?

Rosie (07:27)
⁓ that's a good question.

Okay, okay. If you have guests over, do you expect them, like an unspoken thing, like if you've cooked on this big meal, do you expect them to do the dishes or ⁓ even just offer to help with the dishes?

Roula (07:48)
My guests? It depends. It depends. If they are family and we get together very often and there was many, I think it should be a natural thing that we all do it together. Is it happening? I don't know. Am I asking for it? I don't give it. I don't dare asking for it because I don't know if it's appropriate or not.

Rosie (08:05)
Yeah, yeah, I agree. Yeah.

Roula (08:15)
So this is for like really close, even my close friends when she visits me with her family and we eat together. Yeah, if they suggest they want to help, why not? Why not? It's fun. I find it fun to do it together. ⁓ Do I expect that? Listen, how I am raised. It's a must. Even if it's just taking the dishes from the table to the kitchen.

Rosie (08:40)
Bye.

Yeah, yeah.

Roula (08:45)
This is how I'm raised. cannot sit still and be the guest, even though I don't know what's the etiquette about it. I know that ⁓ you have to ask me how to do it because this is my system. This is my kitchen. This is, you know,

Rosie (08:47)
same.

Well, that's the thing, isn't

it? Sometimes I don't want people fucking touching my dishes.

least have to offer. Like-

Roula (09:12)
⁓

so you want them to offer and you want to say no, but you will be happy because they offer.

Rosie (09:18)
Yeah, like they're acknowledging, man, we've made a real mess here and you've been slaving away and cooking and you know, I really appreciate that. Like, let's just get it done quickly. Cause you know what's going to happen otherwise? They're going to go home and you're left with a huge pile of dirty dishes. And for most of my life, I have not had a dishwasher. So it's even more like laborious. Is that a word?

Roula (09:43)
I trust you. You're the one who has the dictionary. Laborious. That's a good question, Rosie. I really like this point you're talking about. ⁓ After eating, yes, when the guests leave, there's a pile of stuff. Well, you know, if they don't help, it's fine. When I'm having a gathering and I give a start and end time, I want them to leave at the end time.

Rosie (09:44)
It is now.

Lots of labour.

Mm.

Right. Right.

Roula (10:12)
Why? Because I still have so much to clean after they go and then I still have to go to bed etc. So respecting the start and the end is for me very important more than helping.

Rosie (10:13)
Yes, yes.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Right. Yeah, that's hard. It's intru-

Roula (10:28)
But what I did is

I started doing this start and end time. also always found it rude to put this in start time is normal what time we're arriving or it's not. But I always thought that it's rude to give an end time to something to be gathering.

Rosie (10:34)
Mmm.

Yeah, yeah.

Mmm.

Roula (10:51)
And I realized after the gathering, I dread it in a way that I'm not sure I want to have it again because I got so tired. It was so late. I had so much to do. I feel like I paid the price for a couple of hours of fun. And I'm not sure I want to do it again.

Rosie (11:00)
Mmm.

of an end time.

Yeah, I like your idea of an end time, not just for the host, but for the people attending. It gives them an idea of what to expect and, okay, it's just an hour, like, so they can plan around that. Or, it's going for six hours, like, okay, do I wanna stay that long? Or, just so they know what to expect. And then as the host, there's the boundary, like, you need to be out by this time, like, party's over, me time. I like it.

Roula (11:38)
Yeah, only selective people, two or three persons in my life that they can't stay forever because we will do everything together. We will be cleaning together. We will be talking together. This kind of people, even if they want to sleep over, I'm fine with it.

Rosie (11:49)
Right. Yeah.

Roula (12:00)
This doesn't happen for everybody. Yeah.

Rosie (12:01)
They're like your inner circle. Yeah, that's very, very rare. Yeah. Like I don't even think I'd

be at that stage. I don't know. You'd be like, get out, get out. You'd like, get out of my kitchen, get out of my house, go to your van.

Roula (12:08)
With me? My inner circle?

Rosie, we

haven't met in person but you're like in my inner soul so you will be in my inner circle that's for sure

Rosie (12:29)
So dear listeners, thank you so much. We appreciate you. and if you don't follow us on TikTok,

Roula (12:33)
Stay on TikTok.

Rosie (12:37)
think you should because Ruel is doing a great job at kind of like building our audience there and we've started going live a fair bit so you can actually see us live as we record these episodes. I think it's pretty cool. I'm gonna stop.

Roula (12:52)
Yeah