The Rosie and Roula Show

212: How to actually escape a bad conversation - Revisiting a question we never seem to be able to answer.

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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Rosie’s glitchy Wi-Fi, Roula’s cats faking their own deaths in her dreams, and the two of us finally tackling a topic we keep circling: escaping bad conversations. We’ve all been trapped listening to someone talk at us while our soul quietly leaves our body, so today we’re breaking down the practical stuff.

How to exit gracefully, how to set boundaries without sounding rude, and how to avoid getting stuck in those energy-sucking moments in the first place. It’s snappy, it’s chaotic, and yes, there’s unsolicited advice everywhere.

Topics covered:

  • Why we keep tolerating conversations we don’t want to be in
  • Simple one-liners to exit without overthinking it
  • Setting boundaries without feeling like the bad guy
  • How to avoid getting hijacked in the first place

What’s your go-to move when you’re trying to escape a dull or awkward conversation?

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Rosie (00:00)
Dun, dun, dun.

Roula (00:02)
Rosie.

Rosie (00:03)
Hmm.

Roula (00:05)
Is it insane that I have dreamt of my cats?

Rosie (00:13)
maybe what was this dream about?

Roula (00:17)
were in a like a cabin up the mountains. It was very cold freezing and there was a stream in front of the cabin. We're looking outside of the window, my husband and I, and we saw our cats in the freezing water, swimming on their backs, swimming on their belly, having the best time ever. And we thought, oh, it's freezing. They're going to freeze. So we grabbed

Rosie (00:35)
Thanks

Roula (00:42)
blankets, we went outside, we put them in the blankets. But when we put them in the blankets, the cats like faked that they are frozen. They were very long, very stiff. They're cheeky. So we brought them inside. And then in the same dream, I saw in a square that is ginormous ⁓ bullying the cats.

Rosie (00:50)
my god. Sounds like your cat's that cheeky.

Roula (01:10)
I mean, the square was like huge.

Rosie (01:12)
⁓ my god. Your dreams are

weird, man.

your strange dream aside, I want to revisit a topic

think we have tried before to come back to this topic, but I'm just, I'm not satisfied. let's make this third time's a charm, right? This one's gonna be good. How, we need to give steps. How, Rula, do we get out of a bad conversation?

Roula (01:28)
Okay.

This is a never ending story.

Rosie (01:52)
⁓

So true. It really is.

Roula (01:59)
all right, I'm up for it. I'm in a state of mind and mood that I can handle this topic and I feel I'll be strong in giving unsolicited advice.

Rosie (02:02)
Mm-hmm.

Yes, let's be strong.

Yes, this is all about unsolicited advice this episode. You need to be bold. Well, hopefully.

Roula (02:15)
But it's useful though. I mean, we say unsolicited because we are humble.

you

Rosie (02:24)
All come on, let's hear it.

Roula (02:26)
Okay, do you see my skin? I get the treatment again, so... appealing! Alright, alright. How to get out of bad conversations? Do you want me to start or do you want to start?

Rosie (02:30)
little bit. Yeah, you're peeling.

Yeah I do, you're

gonna start, yeah.

Roula (02:43)
All right. One thing remained the same in all our episodes when we talk in this topic is to control our breath.

Rosie (02:51)
Here we go.

Roula (02:55)
Rosie, hear me out. Maybe you should try it once.

Rosie (02:56)
Yeah

Okay, so, okay, I'm

keeping my mouth closed. All right, I'm listening. Keep going. Yes.

Roula (03:03)
Keep breathing, do the right, no, no, this

is the wrong way of breathing. Okay, why I'm saying to keep control of our breath because when we're controlling our breath, it calms us down. So we give ourselves the time to not overreact or not say the things that will be used against us.

Rosie (03:24)
Okay.

Roula (03:25)
Because when we breathe, take the time and think, we will have a better choice of words.

Rosie (03:34)
So step one, don't be a hothead. Do your breathing. Okay.

Roula (03:36)
Exactly. Don't

be a hothead. And bad conversations, like at this our third try, I'm thinking if they're bad in our opinion, then we really have to practice boundaries, practice saying what we want. There's so much into it and practice one liners. These are the best things to get out of bad conversations.

Rosie (03:45)
Hmm.

one-liners.

Okay, give us an example of a one-liner. Is this a one-liner to just shut the conversation down? Is that what you mean? Okay,

Roula (04:07)
Okay.

Yes, so someone is talking too much

and you really need to leave. You're not interested in the conversation. They're keeping you and you have to go. You can say, you know what, I'll leave you to it. You seem very busy. We'll get back to this another time.

Rosie (04:15)
Yeah. Yes.

Yeah, I struggle with that one. When people say, I'll leave you to it, I'm like, ⁓ I'm being boring. That's, I go, fuck, you know, like, I feel bad. Yes.

Roula (04:31)
Why?

Okay, pause, pause, pause.

So what difference can you do so you don't feel boring?

Rosie (04:48)
Why don't think I'm boring? But the other person is too chicken. This, no, but it's not a bad conversation for me. Yet apparently it is for the other person. Or are they genuinely just saying, leave you to it? Like, obviously they want to go, but is it just, leave you to it? I'll talk to you later. And it's not because you're boring. But I...

Roula (04:50)
then you will keep having bad conversations.

Rosie (05:13)
I always feel like people say that when they're trying to get out of the conversation and as the person receiving it, it does not feel nice. Am I a boring person? Is that what it is? Am I actually boring?

Roula (05:26)
I don't know. For me, you're not boring. For someone else, you might be boring. Each person has different needs and connections.

Rosie (05:36)
okay.

Roula (05:38)
And if the conversation is bad, let's say ⁓ it's about politics. All right. So that's a conversation. And I was thinking because on Sunday we had some friends over and I realized that we it's not really politics, but we see the world's different views. And to avoid the conversation, I threw some jokes. I made jokes of my

Rosie (05:44)
Okay, yeah.

Mm-mm.

Roula (06:08)
believe or whatever I think. So when I made a joke about it, like, for example, I'm short and the other person is tall and I'm like, okay, except that you hate short people, let's do this and that. And this sparked some, some jokes, some laughing because who talked about short and tall people?

Rosie (06:17)
Mm-hmm.

so you're just throwing something random in there?

Roula (06:35)
Something random, something that will deviate from the topic.

Rosie (06:38)
my god.

this advice. I don't like it. It doesn't feel like I could use this advice. You know what I'm beginning to think is I need to stop getting myself into these situations where there are awkward conversations because often I might be the one who got myself in this position. I might bump into somebody to say hello and I allow myself to be hijacked and just they're talking at me rather than saying

Roula (06:41)
No. Okay, okay.

you completely froze like you're gone.

You're gone.

I don't know if you hear

me but you are gone.

Rosie (07:08)
you can hear me or no?

Can hear me?

Roula (07:13)
Rosie!

Rosie (07:14)
Can you hear me?

Roula (07:17)
Rosie!

Rosie (07:19)
you

Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.

She disappeared everybody. Rula has disappeared into the internet. She didn't like my story. She escaped a bad conversation with me by pretending she couldn't hear me. there's Rula. I was just talking about you. You're back. So I was just saying Rula, was this you trying to escape a bad conversation with me by pretending that you couldn't hear what I was saying?

I don't think she can hear me. Fuck. Worst episode ever. What the hell?

Roula (08:06)
The screen went completely black.

Rosie (08:08)
That's weird. So you can see and hear me now. Well, Roula don't tell Porky Pies, because I know this was all part of your ruse to get out of the conversation with me, because you were finding it boring. So you decided to pretend you couldn't hear me. You put on a whole show. Don't, don't pretend that's not what you were doing.

Roula (08:11)
Yeah.

Josie, you know me, I don't pretend.

Rosie (08:32)
⁓ This

is true.

Roula (08:38)
Okay, okay. Do you remember where were you? Because, ⁓

Rosie (08:40)
Yes, I'll get back to

my point. I think one of the issues for me is I get myself into these situations. Like it's my fault, it's not just out of my control. I might bump into somebody and then I will allow myself to stay there as they just keep talking and I just keep like listening and nodding going, yeah, that's great, you know, that's terrible. my goodness, that's so difficult for you or whatever. Rather than.

so nice to bump into you. I'm, I need to head off now. I need to go do my groceries. I'm heading off now. Bye. Just fucking shut the conversation down.

Roula (09:16)
So now you're making them feel that you are,

so you're making them feel that you're avoiding them.

Rosie (09:22)
No, I'm just saying I've got things to do. I've got plans.

Roula (09:28)
You know, there's nothing wrong about that. We need to normalize saying that the most awkward thing is knowing when to say, you know, I really have I don't have the capacity to have a conversation, but you can't say it this way because no one will listen or respect it despite how honest you are. And being so what you described is you're trying to be.

Rosie (09:42)
Yeah.

⁓ It's abrupt, isn't it? Right.

Roula (09:54)
passionate and hearing them and letting them cry on your shoulder. And you don't have to do this. It's okay not to be nice, overly nice all the time. ⁓ you know, something that I use is that I can say to someone, it's really so much fun to talk to you. But now is not the right moment. So let's leave it for another time.

Rosie (09:56)
Mmm.

Right.

Yeah, that works. Yeah. I hope you're genuine when you say that. You might not behave. You might not enjoy time with this person.

Roula (10:33)
Well, mostly it's genuine because if I remember the past, the people that would stop, let's say I had an annoying neighbor and every time I leave the house, she jump out to have a conversation to tell me the story of her life every single day. And this person I do use with this person, the sentence, it looks like you're busy. I'll leave you to it. Let's I mean, we talk another time and I don't wait for this person to answer. I turn my back and I walk.

Rosie (10:45)
Mm.

Yeah.

You're gone.

Roula (11:02)
I go,

I go, I don't have to wait for them.

Rosie (11:05)
We don't

need their permission to leave, do we? We don't need their permission. I'm leaving now. Yes.

Roula (11:11)
No, no, it's not an

appointment. They're not part of your life. It's just people you're having conversation with. You're saying hi. Sometimes you want to connect and you stay for the conversation. We're talking here about the moments where you don't have the capacity to connect or the conversation is so bad that you have nothing to add to it. Yeah.

Rosie (11:33)
You just don't want to be there. It

doesn't even have to be about capacity. It's just like you're wasting my time. I don't want to be here.

Roula (11:40)
Yeah,

we need to give ourselves the permission to say, you know what, let's leave it for another time. I have to go. Most of the time when you say I have to do something or I am busy or they don't really care or listen. But when you tell people you are busy, let me not waste your time. They will accept it.

Rosie (11:53)
Yes.

No, I disagree.

I disagree. I hate it when people put it on me because it doesn't feel genuine. I'm like, fuck off. No, I'm not busy. I'm here talking to you. So I would respect it more if you said, you know what, Rosie, I've got plans. I really got to dash. Like now's not a good time. I would respect that so much more.

Roula (12:05)
Mmm.

I don't think there's a right or wrong. It depends on what people feel comfortable with. You know what, Rosie, I'll leave you to it because. ⁓ OK, you know what, you know, some people I won't stop conversation with, and these people are the ones who really appreciate this podcast. We have a couple of coffees already received from our listeners, and I want to tell them cheers.

Rosie (12:27)
No, my way's right.

Yeah.

my god, don't do this to me. No!

⁓ from Dear Barb, yes.

Cheers! Very exciting.

Roula (12:54)
And so other people, don't know the names

of the other person. And really, I truly appreciate it. Thank you. And if you feel that this podcast is giving you some value and you like to listen to it, please head to our website, rosieandroula.com /coffee and buy us a cup of coffee. We will be grateful.

Rosie (13:18)
Yes and listeners, we can see that you're busy so we're gonna let you go now. Bye!

Roula (13:24)
Bye!