The Rosie and Roula Show

204: Why 'Treat Others How You Want To Be Treated’ Doesn’t Always Work - We Are Rethinking this Golden Rule

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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In this episode, Roula and Rosie tackle the classic saying: “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” Is it really the best advice—or is it more complicated than that? They discuss why people have different preferences, how respecting others’ boundaries matters more than assumptions, and why asking about needs and consent is key in relationships.

From birthday gifts to everyday interactions, they explore the importance of kindness, respect, and awareness while highlighting that treating people how you want to be treated may not always work.

🔑 Key Topics & Takeaways:

Why “treat others how you want to be treated” can be misleading

Respect and kindness as the core of interactions

Asking for preferences in deep relationships

Navigating incidental interactions with awareness

Practical examples: gifts, eye contact, everyday gestures

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Roula (00:00)
Rosie, I have a question for you. Another, another thought provoking question. And by the way, thought provoking, I only start here reading this, this from Chagy gpt. Before chat gpt I never read these two words together. Thought provoking. Really?

Rosie (00:01)
Mm.

Woohoo!

No,

I love the thought provoking thing. Isn't that funny? Like chat GPT also always uses hyphens as well. Or are they dashes? N dashes, dashes. Don't know. Anyway.

Roula (00:28)
Okay, okay, just this very

small thing about this dash. There was a discussion on LinkedIn saying that you have this dash, it looks like AI. And there were people saying, I always use the dash. And then some people said, but it's not on the keyboard. Like, how do you know about it? Where do you find it? Like I've never seen this dash before like this, like the way chat GPT uses it. And why cannot be a coma? I I'm not...

Rosie (00:32)
Yes.

I use it, yeah.

Yes it is, yeah.

Yeah, I think chat GPT

overuses it. who the hell, anyway, let's, yeah, let's, I don't know, we're not going there. We're not talking about AI today. What is your question? I know it's gonna be a good one.

Roula (00:58)
Who the hell uses mdm?

No. All right.

I want to ask you why, and maybe for you it's not valid, okay? But don't you think that we should not treat others like we want to be treated? How about this saying? Is it true or is it false? Tell me now.

Rosie (01:35)
This is, this is so good. ⁓

okay. I'm just gonna, just gonna go on the fly. I'm not thinking too hard. This is my gut reaction. I think it is a load of shit because what I have learned is that many people have different preferences to me. Just because I like having a debate and people challenging me doesn't mean

other people do. Doesn't mean other people see it as a sign of endearment and respect. Just as an example, that's a big one for me. ⁓ Some people like eye contact. That's important to me that you look at me when you're talking. Other people know that's very intimidating, makes them uncomfortable. They're not being rude if they're not looking at me. Or, ⁓ I don't know, holding the door open for somebody. To me, I think that's really polite and lovely.

Other people might think that's just...

an outdated notion and don't do that on my own person. I don't need you. So yeah, probably is bullshit. There's kind of an element of truth, yes, you need to, like, we want to treat people with kindness and just be a decent person. But beyond that, questionable. What do you think?

Roula (02:54)
surprise I thought you will disagree with me on this one

Rosie (02:59)
Why? Because I'm a teacher and everybody says, you know, you treat them how you want to be treated.

Roula (03:03)
⁓ good that you touched on this. If I'm a teacher, no, I would not teach them to treat like, I don't, I don't know how someone else want to be treated. Who am I to say they want to be treated? I think we say it based notion of respect and kindness and you know, but it does go sometimes that cross the line.

Rosie (03:15)
No.

Yes. Yes.

Roula (03:29)
of really treating them like we want to be treated. And I'll give you a very happy small example, a birthday gift. I like to receive perfume on my birthday. So I gift you a perfume. I like flowery perfume smell. I gift you a flowery perfume smell because this is how I like to be treated. And you're like, I can't stand flower smell. So you don't want to be treated like I want to be treated.

Rosie (03:35)
Okay, okay. Yeah.

Okay.

Hmm.

Mm-hmm. What the fuck? ⁓

Roula (03:58)
This happens more often than not that we think treating others like we want to be treated is in so many aspects of life. Well, it's only about respect and kindness. And more than this, I think we should ask people how they want to be treated.

Rosie (04:09)
⁓

Yeah, but isn't it complicated? How do we teach our children how to be a good person? Because we've just said everybody's so different and just because you like being treated a certain way doesn't mean other people do. So there has to be some sort of default where we start, doesn't there? Because we have to teach something, a default where we start, but then actually realize...

Just because we do it this way doesn't mean other people do. Just because we feel loved when someone does this doesn't mean other people do. Critical thinking.

Roula (04:45)
Stop, ask question, consent in a way. Ask for what they need, how they want us to react, to treat them.

Rosie (04:51)
Ooh, yeah? Fucking hell, this is getting deep.

So this is more so for deep relationships then, isn't it? If we're going to be having those conversations. So how do we then, how do we navigate conversations with just people, incidental interactions? I guess it doesn't matter as much, but if for example it's a colleague, you might not be close to them, but you're around them a lot, then yes, it does make sense to learn how they like to be treated.

Maybe. Yeah.

Roula (05:22)
Have conversations. Okay, if we're talking

about an interaction at the supermarket and I like to be treated, for example, I don't know. So I have one product and someone has 10 products in front of me. If that person tells me, you have one product, go before me. Yeah, I'd like to treat people like this. If I'm the one with full carts of shopping and someone just gonna pay for their coffee, I let them go.

Rosie (05:51)
Yeah. Yeah.

Roula (05:53)
So in

here, yes, I want to be treated this way with consideration.

Rosie (05:58)
Hmm.

Roula (05:59)
Did you hear that?

Rosie (05:59)
Is that a plane

or is that, what is that?

Roula (06:01)
It's like a truck that is stuck somewhere and and horn pressing the horn. Horning, horny, horny truck.

Rosie (06:02)
Like a little aeroplane. A propell- it's a truck! ⁓ they bogged. Horning? You were gonna say horning,

weren't you?

Roula (06:13)
Yeah, you know, that's a difficult topic and I don't know exactly what I want to say about it. I just know that this is, except for kindness and respect, I don't want to treat people like I want to be treated because they're different than me.

Rosie (06:21)
neither.

Yeah. Yeah. No, I, I agree with what you're saying, but I don't think there's a simple way to say it. Cause if someone said to me, no, I don't want to, I don't want you to treat me how I want to be treated or you want to be treated. I'll go, huh? Well, that's a bit rude. But then if you dig below the surface, it's like, well, yeah, actually.

Roula (06:52)
Maybe they're working on the road and that's why there is this noise. Yeah.

Rosie (06:56)
Yeah,

still in the limelight there.

Roula (07:00)
But hold on, let's give me some time to think.

Rosie (07:04)
⁓ I'm gonna grab a mandarin while you think.

Roula (07:09)
Mmm.

Yes. Okay.

Rosie (07:12)
Is that your neighbour now? ⁓ boy.

Roula (07:15)
All right, because my neighbor is making noise, I'm gonna wrap this up.

Rosie (07:19)
That's alright, yeah. I feel like you had a profound thought. You should share it.

Roula (07:23)
Taking in consideration others' feeling, respect, kindness, that's the only thing that counts in treating others like we want to be treated. But we really have to be aware and beware of giving them things they don't want or behavior. Because we think we want to be treated like this. That's my point on the topic.

Rosie (07:43)
Yeah.

like it. Let us know what you think listeners. I've got Mandarin in my mouth, sorry, Roula can sign this one out.

Roula (07:57)
And my neighbor is drilling a hole, so we have to wrap up this episode right now. Thank you for listening. Bye!

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