The Rosie and Roula Show

202: The Thin Line Between Gossip and Venting. Are You Crossing It?

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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In this episode of The Rosie & Roula Show, Rosie and Roula get real about gossip — why we do it, how it disguises itself as “venting,” and the messy feelings of betrayal that follow. From WhatsApp slip-ups to perimenopause brain fog and boundary-setting in relationships, they unpack how easy it is to cross the line — and how to stop it before it happens.

Rosie admits gossip can be “great fun (but wrong),” while Roula confesses her lessons on shutting it down with compassion. Together, they explore the intention behind gossip, the emotional relief of venting, and how communication boundaries can save relationships — romantic and otherwise.

💬 This one’s for anyone who’s ever said, “I’m not gossiping, I’m just venting!”

You’ll hear:

The real difference between gossiping and venting

Why gossiping feels good — and why it backfires

Rosie’s take: “Let’s be real, gossiping is great fun.”

Roula’s rule: “If the person isn’t here, I don’t want to talk behind their back.”

How to shut down gossip gracefully

How venting can turn toxic — and how to keep it healthy

The moment Rosie’s friend sent the wrong WhatsApp message (ouch!)

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Roula (00:00)
Gosh, I'm so warm. Alright.

Oi oi oi, I have a topic that keeps young and old busy.

Rosie (00:07)
Hmm.

Okay.

Roula (00:12)
I see you typing something. I'll wait for you to finish.

Rosie (00:14)
No, sorry, I was updating our spreadsheet. We have to be organised. Sorry, you have my full attention.

Roula (00:21)
Alright, so there is this... Why do I always start with the word so?

Rosie (00:27)
So.

Roula (00:28)
Yeah, I don't want that. Let me change it.

Rosie (00:31)
Okay. You don't know how to start.

Roula (00:35)
I have heard...

I don't know how to start anymore.

Rosie (00:38)
So.

Roula (00:51)
the past week or two at several occasions, I come across people saying that they told, someone told them, and this is about gossip, okay? So there's this person who divulged an information about another person to a friend. And she thought that friend betrayed her because they went and told

Rosie (01:04)
Okay.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Roula (01:20)
the other one what they said and she's very upset and I'm like hold on there's a word for this it's called gossip so like what what's the point and I realized that this person she wants she's searching for validation that

Rosie (01:22)
Okay, yep.

Yeah

Roula (01:41)
that the other person should have not betrayed her.

Rosie (01:43)
Yeah, okay.

Roula (01:44)
And this, I read this on several threads from multiple persons, different kind of persons who are facing the same issue. So they gossip and they want someone to tell them that it was okay, their feelings are valid and they are betrayed. So my question to you,

Rosie (01:59)
that their feelings are valid.

Mm-hmm

Roula (02:09)
Do you watch Gossip Girls? Me neither. Okay, so forget it. It's also for much for Gen Z probably. What do you think about gossip? Gossiping? Have you gossiped and paid the price?

Rosie (02:12)
No, no I do not. Yeah, okay.

Hello.

I mean, let's be real,

gossiping is great fun. Let's just put that out there. I am just putting that out there. Let's not fucking pretend it's not fun. But yeah, is it nice? No, not really. It's not. Why are we talking about someone else's business? Unless I was, so for example, Rula, I might have a conversation with you about maybe my sister.

because I'm concerned about something. So I will share something that she said to me with you. But the intent behind it is not gossip. It's not me just going, my God, she'll never guess what my sister says. And then I just divulged something really personal she told me in confidence. No, that is a breach of trust. But you know what crossed my mind when you were talking about reading these threads, where people come onto the thread and kind of want to be validated and told, no, you're not crazy. That is a violation of trust.

Is them going on and telling this story gossip?

Roula (03:21)
Yes, that's what I, that's, you touch on a couple of things. taking someone and trust, telling them a concern you have about a friend or a family member.

Rosie (03:29)
Mm.

Yeah.

Roula (03:35)
Is not gossiping about that person? Is worrying?

Rosie (03:37)
No. I don't think

so. Yeah, I think so.

Roula (03:41)
Help me understand.

Rosie (03:42)
Ooh, yeah, how do we define gossip? Ooh. I really think it's the intent behind it. If you're talking and just, it's almost like you're venting and you're just trying to dredge up all the awful things someone said or all the horrible things they're going through to your, ⁓ not betterment, but to your enjoyment.

There's no reason to share it other than you being a gossip and just wanting to. It's almost like this bravado of look how much I know. Did you know? my God, did you hear this? Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Roula (04:19)
But the third person whose the gossiping is about, they are in a position of feeling betrayed, no matter what the intent was. Don't you think?

Rosie (04:23)
Yes.

Yes.

Yes, it probably depends a bit on the person too.

Like, I don't have an easy answer. Why do you ask these difficult questions? I wish I could just give an eloquent answer that tied it up in a neat little bow, but I don't think there is one. Yeah, me too. I'm struggling too.

Roula (04:48)
Because I'm struggling with it. And not

only because I read some threads, it's because some people close to me are facing also this situation. And they come to me, each one coming to vent about what's going on. And I'm like, you're both freaking are wrong. You're wrong of telling someone else's business.

Rosie (04:57)
Mm.

to gossip. ⁓

Roula (05:18)
And you're wrong for just betraying their trust. So you're both wrong. I feel like the gossiper is wrong and the receiver is wrong.

Rosie (05:18)
Mm.

Why is the receiver wrong? Because they're not shutting down the conversation. yes, accountability. Yes, true. Do you do that?

Roula (05:31)
Exactly. Because they could say, you know, I don't want to know this information. It's too private.

I haven't had the chance to gossip for such a long time. I really have.

Rosie (05:45)
But if I

was to come and gossip to you, would you let me go on a little bit or would you shut it down? I'm curious.

Roula (05:54)
⁓ at where I stand now, I'll shut it down.

Rosie (05:58)
Mm.

Mm. I, I... Yeah.

Roula (06:02)
You know, when you have older kids and you,

like they hold the mirror. So when they tell you their experience, you think about the moment where you were in that position. You see? So I'm not saying I'm not in this position because I don't gossip. I'm not in this position because someone's holding the mirror in front of me and I see it. ⁓ shit, like I should not be doing this.

Rosie (06:13)
Yeah.

Yeah,

yeah.

Roula (06:30)
And you know what's dangerous these days? Some people gossip and send the WhatsApp to the wrong person. How often is this happening?

Rosie (06:39)
Yeah, that happened to my friend recently. She meant to be venting to me but about her mum and she accidentally sent it to her mum. Yeah, she was mortified. Only in person.

Roula (06:41)
You

Wow.

Yes. So this is why I don't gossip on WhatsApp. If I have to gossip only in person and

that's never happening in person. Honestly, if I have to gossip, I have two people in my life that would gossip about, but I'm not gossiping about them because I don't want to be bothered. And yeah, why am I gossiping? Yeah, because they're annoying me and I can't tell them to your face.

Rosie (07:01)
⁓ gosh.

Who would you gossip about? Who

were the two people you would gossip about? I am just, you, I am so intrigued.

Roula (07:19)
no, I'm not going to share it on the podcast, but I'm not going to gossip because I don't want to get into this situation.

Rosie (07:26)
the juicy details. See that would be gossip, wouldn't it? There's no reason for me to know that information, but I just want to know, so juicy. ⁓

Roula (07:30)
Yeah, that would be gossip. No, no. It's a waste of time. There

is nothing for you in it. And even venting. I vent. But only I vent with a critical person. I don't vent. I only vent to my husband because he shuts me down and he calls me out on my bullshit and he wakes me up from my when I'm ruminating.

Rosie (07:42)
mean venting can be gossiping, but I think we need to.

⁓ you know what? But

what about when you actually need to vent? You don't want someone shutting it down.

Roula (08:00)
I wonder how come we're still

together?

Rosie (08:02)
just go nuts sometimes I need to vent you know how I feel like we were recording last week what were we doing I was asking you or I asked you to do something and you were not giving me the answer I wanted you were giving advice and holding a mirror up and doing that stuff and I said no I just this is what I need and then you gave me what I needed so do you ever just need to vent and not have someone shut you down give you a slap and go no you're talking shit okay

Roula (08:29)
Yes, yesterday, yesterday, I

said to him, I told him, listen, I have a thought that's consuming my brain this morning and it and I need to let it out. Otherwise I will be grumpy the whole day and I'm only venting. I don't want your advice and I don't want you to tell me what to do. I'm just venting just to let it out. And I vented. I'm very appreciative that he

accepted what I said because you know sometimes our nature I do this with you you do this with me we want to advise we it's what we want to do I vented now was that gossip I don't know it could be gossip because I'm venting about a person someone's behavior is really hurting my feelings

Rosie (09:02)
Yeah. Yeah, we can't help ourselves.

Mmm.

Roula (09:24)
At the end he said to me, if you don't talk to this person about how you're hurt, your relationship will be ruined on the long term. So you need to decide what you're going to do with this.

And I know him because we've been through this before. He was like, look, if you don't take action, if you don't find a solution, don't come and vent to me about the same thing again.

Rosie (09:47)
He drew the line, there's the boundary. Yeah, love it. See, you guys are so good at communicating. You guys are putting the hard work, my God.

Roula (09:49)
Yes. Again, we're still together, my goodness.

in the past, if he would say something like this to me, I would feel unheard, would feel hurt invalidated, he's not supporting me, I would be thinking all this shit. But we went, we did some therapy and we learned better. That's my answer. Why we're still together.

Rosie (10:04)
Right.

Mmm.

Personal growth, right? That's your answer. You put in

the work. Yeah, no, I love that. I don't know what the difference is between venting and gossiping, but I have a feeling it's something to do with the intention.

Roula (10:29)
Okay, yeah.

Rosie (10:30)
I

think. That's the best I've got.

Roula (10:33)
I also don't have an answer. It's better not to talk about someone's business to anyone if it's not personal and concerning us in person.

Rosie (10:44)
Okay, here's something I want us to end on, because I need help with this, so I'm being selfish. I want to know, but I think listeners will want to know. How would you shut down gossip? I don't think I've ever done that. If someone is gossiping to you, what do you say or do to just shut that conversation down?

Roula (10:48)
Okay.

person is not here, so I don't want to talk behind their back.

Rosie (11:05)
Mmm. Simple.

Roula (11:07)
Or, you know what? Why don't you talk to them directly? I don't want to know this information. Or, I have enough on my plate, I really don't feel like I want to go into this.

Rosie (11:20)
You're good at this. My god. Yeah. I don't know the last time I've been in a situation to gossip, but I shall keep those phrases in mind for next time. Thank you, Roula for your wisdom.

Roula (11:22)
Practice makes better.

Thank you for listening. think I'm gonna this afternoon be faced with some gossip going on with the children, so I'm gonna remember my answers.

Rosie (11:46)
Yes, practice what you preach.

Roula (11:48)
Yes. Listeners, let us know. ⁓ Did someone gossip something about you that really hurt your feelings? Where do you stand on this topic? We want to hear from you. Thank you for listening. Bye.