The Rosie and Roula Show

141: Do Know-It-Alls Piss You Off? And What Has Neurodivergence Got To Do With It?

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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Ever met a know-it-all who just won’t let you finish your sentence? In this episode, Roula and Rosie unpack the frustrating (and sometimes hilarious) world of people who think they know everything. From unsolicited advice and one-upping to exploring the difference between arrogance and neurodivergence, this conversation gets real, raw, and surprisingly deep.

We discuss:

  • Why “know-it-alls” can be so draining.
  • The fine line between sharing knowledge vs. dominating conversations.
  • How neurodivergence can shape communication styles.
  • Setting healthy boundaries without burning bridges.
  • Why empathy and self-protection both matter.

If you’ve ever rolled your eyes at unsolicited advice or struggled to deal with opinionated people, this one’s for you.

Keywords: know-it-all podcast, unsolicited advice, neurodivergent vs neurotypical, boundaries in friendship, one-upper, annoying people, empathy in conversations, ADHD conversations, toxic friendships

Related Episodes:

43: How to Deal with People Who Always Try to One-Up You

https://rosieandroula.com/episode/43-how-to-deal-with-people-who-always-try-to-one-up-you

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Roula (00:00)
OK, this we can make it also short. We don't have to make it long.

Rosie (00:03)
Okay,

short one. Yeah, let's go. Zippy, zip, zip.

Roula (00:07)
You have to ask now.

Rosie (00:21)
Have you ever come across people who are know-it-alls? Do they piss you off? What do you think about these people?

Roula (00:31)
They want to be my friends. That's for sure. ⁓

Rosie (00:32)
They won't be. ⁓ Why

not?

Roula (00:38)
Annoy me.

Rosie (00:39)
Yeah, why?

Roula (00:42)
Because there is no... The people who I know it all, they're not open for conversation. They don't want to hear others' opinion. They're not a good listener. They're like one-sided conversation. So why do I want them in my life?

Rosie (00:55)
Mmm. Mmm.

Totally agree. You're right. It really annoys me. It gets my back up straight away. And I know I've been talking so much about the van lately, but I've got an example. So, you know, I've been repairing it and I have a rather annoying neighbor at the moment. I can't talk too loud because they're about two meters to the right of my van. ⁓ I might've mentioned this in a recent episode, but I was working.

on the van, so I had the bonnet up. And he comes over and just announces to me, that's not going to work. Yeah, you remember that? Because he's a know-it-all. And I was just inside, I'm like, shut the fuck up. Did I ask you if it was going to work? He just came over and felt the need to put on me his superiority, his knowledge. That's not going to work.

Roula (01:39)
yeah, we talked about it like a few episodes ago.

Yeah.

Rosie (02:01)
Ugh, gross. He wasn't willing to listen to why I wanted to do it. Or if you share to someone, maybe your travel plans or what you're going to study, anything, you share with them something. And it's a bit like our one-upper episode. They just want to one-up you. They have something to say and they know better than you. And there's just no room for conversation.

Roula (02:03)
Yes. ⁓

yeah, mostly it applies

true when you're doing something and that person would come and start giving you instructions, not even telling you it's not working.

Rosie (02:34)
Yeah, you know what I call it? Do you know what I call it?

I call it unsolicited advice and it is one of my biggest pet peeves.

Roula (02:44)
Mmm.

Rosie (02:45)
Don't come giving me advice if I didn't ask for it. I don't want it.

Roula (02:50)
I'm trying to remember an example of the I know it all. I really eliminated these people from my life that I don't have example anymore. But in a previous episode, we were talking a few episodes ago, we talked about friendship and I said that I cut off a friend and I never gave an explanation. That friend was I know it all. Yes, it did. The dynamic was in a way that

Rosie (03:10)
Mm-mm.

Mmm.

Roula (03:22)
I, whatever thing I have to say or opinion or experience, they just had to take it away from me and tell me everything they know. And sometimes telling me things that are not part of the conversation and I'm not interested in listening to just to show me how much they know.

Rosie (03:34)
Ugh.

you

It is annoying. Oh, it is.

Roula (03:47)
⁓ example,

if I say, this movie is amazing. And then that person will tell me each scene, the name of the actors, their history, where they acted before. That's for me also a know it all. I did not ask for all this. I don't have time for this.

Rosie (04:03)
True, but you know what's just come

to mind is there are people who are neurodivergent and sometimes, not just neurodivergent people, but that comes to mind, that's their way of connecting. They're not doing it to be a know-it-all. They're not trying to take away from you. They're trying to go, yeah, I care about it too. And they're rattling all this stuff off and you're standing there going, what the fuck? Like, shut up.

but that's trying to connect with you. ⁓

Roula (04:32)
Tell me, tell me.

Explain to me neurodivergent. I've seen I'm seeing it so much lately. I know it existed all our time and we labeled these people or we said they have ADHD or but now the word is neurodivergent and it's hard. It's hard to know. Is this person neurodivergent or it's just a know it all annoying. Yeah.

Rosie (04:40)
Yeah, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Just a jerk.

Yeah. And I mean, it probably doesn't matter if they're neurodivergent or neurotypical. It's, guess, do you... Okay. you're showing your Gen X-ness right now. Maybe we need an episode about neurodivergence. Neurotypical. I would say yes. I think I am. I think I have undiagnosed ADHD the more I learn about myself. That's a whole other topic.

Roula (05:09)
What is neurotypical?

Yeah!

Are you neurodivergent?

Rosie (05:29)
So neurotypical means your brain development, the way your brain works is typical. That's how most people function. Neurodivergent means you diverge from the norm. So the way your brain has developed and how it functions is different to the so-called norm. Now, the way we are raised in our families, the way we are taught in our schools, the way we're expected to work,

all of that caters to the neurotypical person. Now I don't know percentages of how many neurodivergent people there are, but I would, I would hazard a guess that it's pretty high. So why is everything structured to one way of functioning? That just seems silly. And I feel like I'm going off on a tangent, but the reason I bring it up is I thought, we're sounding very judgmental to these people who talk and go off on a tangent. ⁓

So we have to be careful how we cast judgment. It doesn't mean we don't find it annoying, but I think it helps us to understand where it's coming from. Some people just don't want to listen. They don't care.

Roula (06:34)
From

a neurotypical person, I think. My struggle with a neurodivergent person is that I don't know how to make them stop because as a neurotypical, I cannot absorb all of this. It's too much. And this is the difference because we want to cut slack for neurodivergent. But who the fuck is cutting slack for neurotypical when they cannot handle that this much?

Rosie (06:45)
Hahaha

Too much! Over stimulated, yeah.

my God, this is spicy, fuck. Mmm.

Roula (07:06)
And I'm saying this because

I encountered this very close relationship with someone I thought all my life it's a new it all. I know it all person. This person my family that I love and I never will let go until I realized, my God, no, this person is neurodivergent. But then after realizing this to myself, yes, my love for them grew and my empathy because

Rosie (07:17)
Yeah. Yeah.

Roula (07:36)
They cannot help it. really, they're not, know it all. They just cannot help it. But I still haven't find a way to put this distance a little bit when it's too much for me. Because I also want to tell you, and if you can't listen to what I have to say, then I'm not gonna have a conversation anymore.

Rosie (07:52)
Heheh!

I get

it. And maybe that's about us learning how to have those conversations with the people we love. Like, Hey, I love you. And, but I'm really struggling. I know you're passionate about this and you want to share it with me, but I actually am having trouble concentrating right now. And I don't know what the conversation looks like. I actually don't, but clearly.

Roula (08:19)
I

feel like I have to give something to the Nora Divertion to snack or something to keep them busy and leave me alone.

Rosie (08:25)
Well sometimes that works. Yeah.

⁓ leave you alone. Gosh, some of this language give you a prank. my God. Hmm. Interesting.

Roula (08:29)
To give me a break, to give me a break, you know?

You know, ⁓

we want to be inclusive so much that sometimes it feels that the extrovert is being attacked, neurotypical is being attacked because they're not considerate for the introvert and the neurodivergent. And this conversation, I mean, it doesn't really happen because we're so scared to hurt each other.

Rosie (09:02)
We're scared to talk about it, yeah. And it's easy to get in an argument about it. Like I could have got very defensive with some of the things you were saying, but actually how often do you get to have these conversations? Like you weren't being malicious in anything you said, neither was I. And so it's just...

Roula (09:22)
No!

Rosie (09:23)
I think we should talk about it and it should not be an us versus them. You're neurodivergent, you're neurotypical, I hate you, you make life more difficult. Like, shut up. Can't we all just get along? Let's find a way to coexist. It's like equality, men and women. Why can't we get along?

Roula (09:35)
Isn't it?

You know, just like

as I, I, as a neurotypical have to understand why the neurodivergent is acting like an I know it all. The neurodivergent needs to also practice and act. Okay. So this neurotypical doesn't need to know all this information. It's there is. Yeah.

Rosie (10:01)
Yeah, yeah, rather than going, oh my God, why aren't they listening to me? Our brains work differently,

so we need to try and understand where each other's coming from. And what's really important, there's no right or wrong.

Roula (10:14)
No. So as a neurodivergent person, Rosie, is it possible for you to train your brain to slow down when the other person or can you read the signs on the other person that they're overwhelmed, etc.?

Rosie (10:15)
That's really important.

It varies person to person.

I'd like to think I'm pretty good at picking up on that, but for other people, it is really difficult. They can't read that and or, or see, my God, that person's overwhelmed. need to just stop and give them some space. And so they, that can get them into trouble. But so I think I can read that. Maybe sometimes I can't, but then again,

I think neurotypical people struggle with that too. Like it's not exclusive. Yeah, some people are just terrible at picking up on that.

Roula (10:58)
Absolutely. Yeah.

And now you opened my eyes on something so that I know it's all person. Most probably they are neurodivergent and they have zero intention in hurting us or, you know, and the others are. And the other ones are probably jerks.

Rosie (11:13)
Well, I don't know about their most likely neurodivergent, but yeah, it's possible.

But I wonder where they learnt to behave like that. It's probably from childhood. They're constantly feeling like they have to prove themselves to get love and attention. And isn't that sad?

Roula (11:26)
Yeah.

Yeah. they have probably this, okay, disclaimer, we're not psychotherapists or psychologists. We're just two normal people reflecting on interactions. Yes. I'm not sure if we're normal anymore with all these conversations. It happens also that ⁓ they really want to, ⁓ their self-esteem requires them to

Rosie (11:43)
Are you sure? They re-opinionated people. Yes.

Mmm. ⁓

Roula (12:05)
I use this word very often in our conversations to vomit their knowledge. So they feel they are self-confident, they're worthy. ⁓ Yeah, now that we're talking, it's not only jerks.

Rosie (12:10)
Mmm.

And you know what?

This is true. Yeah, maybe we just need to be a little more empathetic, but you know what? It still pisses me off and it's a pretty good way to get me to tune out if you're going to be a know-it-all and I'll come on my podcast with Ruler and bitch about you. So look out.

Roula (12:35)
you

Rosie (12:42)
It is dangerous.

Roula (12:42)
That's so dangerous. Anyway,

remember, build your boundaries, learn to say no, and you will survive these kinds of conversations. Well, I didn't figure it out completely, but...

Rosie (12:54)
No, no.

Yeah. I don't know if that is the take-home message from this episode, actually. Don't be so quick to judge. I think that's the important thing. Doesn't excuse behaviour.

Roula (13:00)
No, there is no take home.

I think neurodivergent

and neurotypical, they all have difficulties in their own ways.

Rosie (13:13)
Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. And what was the beginning of this episode? Know-it-alls, wasn't it? Yes. This got so deep, such a surface level topic. And there we were talking about neurodivergence. That is one of the reasons I love this podcast. Let us know listeners, what are your thoughts on know-it-alls? Should we give them a chance? Why? Why not?

Roula (13:19)
No. Yes!

Yes.

and we love you all. Bye!

Rosie (13:36)
We

do love you. Bye!