The Rosie and Roula Show

137: Eavesdropping vs Overhearing: Why We Carry Strangers’ Conversations

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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Have you ever overheard a conversation that left you unsettled… or even haunted you for hours after?
In this episode, Roula and Rosie dive into the world of eavesdropping vs overhearing—when it’s funny, when it’s heartbreaking, and when it feels like a heavy responsibility.

Roula shares how overhearing a couple’s tense argument in public left her shaken, while Rosie reflects on overhearing parents with their children and the moral dilemma of whether or not to intervene. We also explore:

✨ The difference between eavesdropping and overhearing
✨ Why some of us carry strangers’ conversations with us emotionally
✨ Parenting, safety, and “silent observation”
✨ Teenagers’ hilarious conversations (and why Roula can’t help but laugh)
✨ The line between curiosity, care, and intrusion

This episode is equal parts funny, reflective, and deeply human—because whether we admit it or not, we’ve all listened in on someone else’s conversation.

💬 Question for you: When you overhear something that upsets you… do you shake it off, or does it stay with you?

Keywords: eavesdropping, overhearing conversations, emotional impact of overhearing, overhearing parents, overhearing arguments, parenting and safety, empath conversations, overhearing teenagers, funny overheard conversations, podcast about everyday life, podcast about empathy, overhearing strangers, parenting podcast topics, relatable conversations, overheard in public

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Roula (00:00)
You gave me an example in our previous recording that you were eavesdropping, intentionally or unintentionally, and you heard something that upset you. And I have on my list of episodes to record eavesdrop and when we feel emotional about something someone else is saying.

Rosie (00:11)
Yeah, I wasn't doing it on purpose. Yes.

Hmm. Yeah, give me an example.

Roula (00:27)
Give you an example.

I was standing waiting for something on the street and there was a couple standing a little bit further away. And for people who don't know what eavesdropping is, is when you unintentionally hear someone talking about something and then you overhear them. Sometimes it's intentional. I don't know when you put your ear to it. isn't.

Rosie (01:00)
You overhear

Yeah, I think often it is intentional.

Roula (01:10)
And I heard them arguing.

And their argument, it's not the words they were saying, it's their attitude towards each other, how they're standing towards each other and how I felt the tension and then my heart was beating. And I was like, my God, if they're talking to like this to each other on the street, what kind of environment is it in their home? And I emotionally became so agitated and upset and I just couldn't shake it off of me.

Rosie (01:42)
Mmm.

Roula (01:43)
because I was so worried how this argument will finish and how safe are these people in their house? And this happens with me in multiple times. I don't know if I have some anxious bias about how safe people are in their house that makes me pay attention and feel this way. Or is this something that other people also experience? So I was wondering.

Rosie (01:49)
Hmm, hmm.

Yeah.

Roula (02:12)
Do you get emotional when your eavesdrop?

Rosie (02:15)
yeah. Sometimes it's funny. People are just talking rubbish. Other times you think, my, like often it's ⁓ parents talking to their kids. ⁓ That can be quite interesting. And I have to be careful and I'm very conscious I'm not a parent and it's very easy to negatively judge others. Cause what would I know? But sometimes you think, wow.

you're just making the situation worse, mum, dad, auntie, uncle, or they might be grabbing the kid or smacking them or various other things. Yeah, that's hard. Do you go up to these people when you're concerned, when you overhear them? No, exactly. So what do you do? it sits with you, doesn't it? Do you worry afterwards? Yeah.

Roula (03:02)
No.

Yeah.

Yes, yes. It sits with me when, when also, as you said, with children, with children, this is what crossed my mind when I eavesdrop and I see parents, as you said, you never know in which state this parent is, how tired they are, how, how life is for them. But then I think, how many parents truly believe that,

Rosie (03:14)
Mm.

Mmm.

Roula (03:35)
pulling on child's ear or smacking them, that's really, really not a way of treating your children or making a point or correcting them. And then I feel that because I hear it often, and I don't want to be saying that every parent correcting their child is wrong, it just, it makes me feel anxious because I want to know everyone is safe.

I want to know it's going to be all right. they kind of, yes, yes. And this is where it touches me. But I also eavesdrops on teenagers when their conversations and, I find this hilarious, hilarious because in my mind, I've got the bullshit coming out of your mouth. ⁓ my goodness.

Rosie (04:06)
coming from a place of care, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

yes. Yeah.

Hahaha!

think that's the best type of conversations to overhear. The ones that are just silly and funny and you're like, what are you talking about? It's just funny. It's ridiculous.

Roula (04:39)
Yeah.

And it's not like it happens very often that I'm eavesdropping, but I like to pay attention to things around me as we mentioned in the other episode. Not only the faces around me, but also the voices, the conversations. Yeah, it's interesting, interesting.

Rosie (04:44)
No.

Yeah. ⁓

Mmm.

I want to ⁓ clarify something. So for me, eavesdropping means you're doing it on purpose. Like you are intentionally trying, that's, I don't know what the official definition. Yeah. In the Rosie dictionary. And then overhearing something is when you're not trying to eavesdrop, but you can hear it. then, you think, well, I might as well just listen.

Roula (05:11)
Is it?

That's if-dropping. Okay. Let me check.

Yeah?

Rosie (05:28)
So you might be on public transport and someone's talking really loudly so you can hear their conversation. Whereas eavesdropping might be like putting your ear to the door and, you know, really going out of your way to listen to someone else's conversation. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

Roula (05:33)
Yeah. ⁓

⁓ eavesdropping is secretly listen. Yes.

And I know myself, I eavesdrop when I see something suspicious.

Rosie (05:52)
Okay, yeah.

Roula (05:54)
I do not eavesdrop when people are having fun.

Rosie (05:57)
Right. Yeah.

Roula (05:59)
I eavesdrop when I feel there's something suspicious, whether the conversation, mostly, mostly for safety, for person safety. I don't know why this is a big thing in my head, in my life, in my existence. ⁓ Maybe. Yes. Yes. Indeed. So eavesdropping and for teenagers. Yeah. I'm curious. I want to know. ⁓ Yeah. I want to know what are they talking about?

Rosie (06:02)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah

mother's instinct.

Their world

and their life's priorities are so different. ⁓

Roula (06:28)
How do they deal with stuff?

But also I do, my kids are not teenagers anymore. Well, Liam, Liam is 10. He's becoming teenager, but my daughters are not teenagers anymore. And I have to admit that eavesdropping as a parent is important, but we must not act on it. We must not act on it. We must, and I don't say like go in a purposely. No, if, if there's a situation, for example, and if my daughters are listening to this, we'll kill. Okay.

Rosie (06:38)
He'll be a teenager soon, yeah.

Yeah, give me an example.

Roula (07:04)
So your kid is in a phone conversation and you feel the energy is wrong, is off. If I'm in the kitchen and she's around on the phone, I try to make silence around me so that I can focus on her conversation because I'm eavesdropping. Because I want to know, is she in a good place? Is she handling it correctly? ⁓ I'm learning about my child from listening to their conversation, but I'm not

Rosie (07:06)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Okay. Okay.

Roula (07:34)
given my opinion, I'm not interfering. I'm not saying I know what conversation. I don't mention it. The purpose is to get information behavioral wise, safety wise, but I don't do anything with it.

Rosie (07:46)
Okay.

So what if, this is a hypothetical, what if one of your daughters was having a conversation in their bedroom, door closed?

Roula (07:56)
No, I don't distrop. No, no, no, no. Yeah.

Rosie (07:57)
Okay, cool. So it's just like if you're in the vicinity

and tone of voice changes or something happens and you're like, is everything okay? And you just sort of try to stop being so noisy and linger around a little bit.

Roula (08:12)
Excellent question, Rosie. No, I only do it when it's in the same space.

Rosie (08:12)
Mmm. Mmm.

Okay, now that makes sense because when you

first said it, I'm like, really? Eavesdropping is important? How dare you? But that makes sense. That does make sense. And it's a bit hard not to listen to a conversation when someone is in the same room or same area as you.

Roula (08:28)
Hmm.

But I didn't think that now that you're talking about it, I noticed I'm eavesdropping. Okay. I don't eavesdrop at, let's say I'm in the same space where couple is talking, having normal conversation. No, don't, my purpose is not to know what they're talking about. For me, I start eavesdropping when I see the body language is changing. There's a threat. There's something happening and something in me.

Rosie (08:48)
Mm-hmm.

Roula (09:05)
makes me want to know that these people are handling it correctly, they're going to be okay, etc.

Rosie (09:10)
You're like a bodyguard,

an undercover bodyguard. Just, okay, is everything alright? Do I need to jump in?

Roula (09:16)
Yeah,

I do have these questions in my mind. When do I jump in? When or should I jump in?

Rosie (09:21)
Yeah.

Yeah, I don't have the answer to that. Yeah, that's a big one. Listeners, do you eavesdrop? If you're a parent, do you eavesdrop on your kids? Is eavesdropping ever okay? Do you enjoy it? I think we all secretly do sometimes.

Roula (09:25)
I haven't gotten into this, so no.

I don't know if it's enjoyable eavesdropping. It's such a big responsibility to hear what people are saying.

Rosie (09:49)
It is a big responsibility.

But think, when you're listening to a teenager's silly conversation, surely that's enjoyable. Like, yeah, that is fun. Yeah, yeah. Adults too, actually. Some of the things people talk about.

Roula (09:56)
I love that. I love my ass off.

Yeah. But again, I don't eavesdrop on fun stuff. I eavesdrop on the scary stuff. All right. My my sole question to the listener is that if you when you eavesdrop and you hear something, let's say upsetting or happy, whatever, do you take it with you? Do you feel it in your body, in your emotions?

Rosie (10:09)
Ha ha ha!

Yes.

I definitely do. Yeah. What do they call that? An empath. Don't they call people empaths who really take on those feelings? Hmm.

Roula (10:35)
Hmm could be yes an empath.

Yeah an empath and a narcissist. This is everywhere on YouTube

Rosie (10:43)
Ooh, that's

true. Yeah, they're two buzzwords. All right, let us know your thoughts.

Roula (10:48)
Mmm.

Bye!