The Rosie and Roula Show

111: Why Hard Nipples and Erections Feel So Embarrassing Even Without Arousal

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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Why Are Nipples (and Boners) So Embarrassing? 

Why do we feel ashamed of perfectly natural bodily reactions, like hard nipples or spontaneous boners, even when they’re not sexual? 

This week, Rosie and Roula wade into a funny, awkward, and surprisingly freeing conversation about anatomy, puberty, and the weird rules we’ve all absorbed about what’s appropriate to show or hide. 

From cold-day nipple shame to teenage erections, they explore the deeply gendered double standards about visibility, control, and what our bodies are allowed to do without judgment. 

This episode explores: 

  • Why hard nipples are instantly sexualized 
  • How young boys experience unwanted erections 
  • Cultural shame around showing “too much” 
  • How to unlearn discomfort and normalize the body 

Roula shares a personal parenting moment that sparked the topic, Rosie gets nipple-proud, and they both call for a little more freedom — and a lot less embarrassment. 

If you’ve ever crossed your arms to hide your chest… or felt secondhand awkwardness on someone’s behalf, this one’s for you.   

Takeaways 

  • Embarrassment around hard nipples and erections is culturally ingrained.  
  • Many people feel self-conscious about their bodies due to societal expectations. 
  • Understanding that hard nipples are not always linked to sexual arousal can help reduce embarrassment.  
  • Cultural norms dictate how we perceive body image and modesty.  
  • Men experience spontaneous erections that are not always sexual in nature.  
  • Women often feel pressured to hide their bodies, especially in social situations. 
  •  The conversation highlights the need for open discussions about body image and acceptance.  
  • Both men and women face societal pressures regarding their bodies.  
  • Embracing one's body can lead to greater self-acceptance and confidence.  
  • The dialogue encourages listeners to challenge societal norms and embrace their natural bodies. 

Keywords 

body image, embarrassment, nipples, erections, cultural perspectives, male physiology, body acceptance, societal norms, sexual arousal, self-acceptance 

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Rosie (00:02)
Can hear me?

Roula (00:03)
Yes?

Rosie (00:05)
You sound normal. What the fuck?

Roula (00:09)
That's good news.

Rosie (00:10)
It is good, but also…

very strange.

Roula (00:18)
Rosie, we don't have time for chit chat. I'm very strict have a hard stop at 10. Sorry for that.

Rosie (00:23)
We haven't seen each other in over

a week and here you are going, no, let's just get to it. No foreplay, nothing. Fine.

Roula (00:34)
Honey, we said foreplay should start a week before every day. Not last five minutes.

Rosie (00:41)
That's a good point.

You got me good. So what are we talking about?

Roula (00:47)
Yes, yes. Okay. Okay. I have, I have something here, which is, I don't know where this conversation will go because I don't even know why I'm starting it, but it's something I noticed and I heard about it in, in, a podcast and I wonder, okay, why?

Rosie (00:58)
okay.

Okay, this'll be fun.

Roula (01:19)
So my question for you is that, so when, when a woman have hard nipples, it's embarrassing in a way this how

We fear like, shit, I have hard nipples. But people will think, people will see them. We will talk details later. Would man also have spontaneous boner and feel also embarrassed?

Rosie (01:43)
yeah? Or are they not embarrassed about that? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Roula (01:45)
But my question, the question is,

why hard nipples and a boner are so embarrassing while they might not be related to sexual arousal?

Rosie (02:01)
My dog is licking my face! Tilly!

Roula (02:03)
I

think Tilly likes the conversation. Tilly wants to give her opinion.

Rosie (02:07)
Lie down! Enough!

You do

darling, don't you? Let me just put her in her crate. No, come on. No, please don't. Tilly, in your crate.

Roula (02:14)
Now I don't want to kiss you after the dog kissed you. I'm not gonna kiss you, but if I want to kiss you, I won't after

the dog licked your face.

Rosie (02:23)
Yeah, no, that's gross. Okay.

Say the question again. Say the question. thank you. Actually, I have one. Do I? No, I do not.

Roula (02:27)
Here, here's the wet wipe for you.

Okay, my question,

are you focusing?

Rosie (02:36)
get on with it. What? What's the question? forgot.

nipples and erections. Okay, okay, okay.

Roula (02:42)
Okay, okay, lipples

and erection are embarrassing even though they're not necessarily related to sexual arousal.

Rosie (02:51)
Okay,

let me chip in. I don't find having hard nipples embarrassing. Everybody else seems to be embarrassed. I'm like, why? They're nipples. And most of the time it's not because I'm aroused.

Roula (02:57)
I love that.

Rosie (03:08)
What's the fucking problem? It's a body, like, huh? As for erections, yeah, I'd never really thought about them not being sexual. That thought had never crossed my mind.

Roula (03:22)
So we have two bias here that when women have hard nipples, that's embarrassing. It's a sign of sexual invitation, maybe. I don't know. This is how the culture raised us. And when men have a boner or an erection, I think boner is better to use now because we're being playful. ⁓ We associate it also with

Rosie (03:37)
Mmm.

Okay.

Roula (03:51)
hornissism Well, maybe it's not.

Rosie (03:55)
I need to understand this. What would cause a boner that's not...sexual?

Roula (04:03)
OK, first, let me put this in a context. Why am I talking about this? OK, so my son is 10 years old and soon he will start growing, discovering himself. So I'm listening to a podcast that guides people through the change of their teenagers. And there was a topic about the boys and the boner, et cetera.

Rosie (04:05)
Okay okay. Yes, please share.

Yep.

huh.

Mm-hmm.

Roula (04:28)
I'm

not going to go into these details, but I might leave the episode in the show notes for parents of young boys who wants to know more about it. And what they said is that, you know, they at certain development age, it happens every 45 minutes.

Rosie (04:35)
Yeah. Yeah.

my god, how annoying!

Roula (04:49)
Yes, the older they get, the less it is. But I was shocked and I felt empathy. This must be weird. And then they also said that even in grown up men, not every boner is a sexual arousal. Maybe. I don't know. I can't remember what. I don't know if they went into the details. But yeah, take, for example, when they wake up in the morning. Men.

Rosie (04:58)
Yeah!

Mm-hmm.

Roula (05:19)
We don't wake up with hard nipples, but men do wake up with a boner. But when we go outside and the wind blows and it's a bit cold, like our nipples become like little rocks and you can't hide them.

Rosie (05:36)
You're right, people are embarrassed,

Well, in fact, I was talking to a friend last night and she was showing me new clothes she'd ordered online.

Roula (05:46)
I thought

she was showing you her nipples.

Rosie (05:51)
No, that's not something I've done before with friends. No, neither. no, Anyway, she was home from work and she didn't have a bra on and in the picture she was sending me, she was like covering her breasts. I'm like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm not wearing a bra. And I said, I didn't give a shit. She goes, well I've got permanent headlights. So I think she was referring to her nipples showing. And I just thought, who cares? And like, I never realized.

Roula (05:52)
I don't have this kind of friends also.

So nice permanent headlights

Rosie (06:19)
This was a while ago now, but I remember when I discovered that some people have inverted nipples and I went, what? Like my nipples are always visible and there, but some people's aren't. And I went, ⁓ so the more you learn, right?

Roula (06:29)
There.

Yeah, this is a proof that not everybody is the same as another body. And I don't have a particular direction in this conversation. I just want to help myself in accepting that if I have hard nipples, I should not hide them. I know that sometimes I stand like this, because even when the bra is super thick, they are still there.

Rosie (06:42)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Roula (07:08)
And then you know, like then you're having a conversation. I wish people are watching us on YouTube because I'm gonna simulate how we stand. So somebody is having a conversation with you, you're standing outside, the wind is blowing, your nipples go hard, and then my arms cross. And like my conversation is that I'm so self-conscious crossing my arms so they don't see my nipples. ⁓

Rosie (07:21)
you

Wow. Okay, I've

never been self-conscious in that way. When I'm self-conscious of my nipples, like I don't wear a bra when I go to bed. I know some people do and I'll often wear a t-shirt. And sometimes I'll be in my pajamas early and for whatever reason, someone's there that I wasn't expecting and we're talking and yeah, I'll fold my arms so like they can't see my breasts as clearly or my nipples. Cause like there's a different shape when you're not wearing a bra.

What? Why?

Roula (08:02)
Yeah. I don't know.

Rosie (08:04)
But yeah, no, nipples,

nipples any other time. don't, I'm, I got nipple pride and I often like sports bras. Yeah. I'm little. I don't need a lot of support. I don't wear ones with padding. I don't like it. If I'm getting sweaty, I don't want padding in there. Like, fuck off. But I'm like, people have said to me, I'm not going to say who, ⁓ I can see your nipples. And I'm like, and? Like,

Why are you looking like so? Yes, I have nipples. What's the problem? Oh, well, you should wear a padded sports bra. And I'm like, well, that's not comfortable. I don't want to.

Roula (08:36)
⁓ yeah.

But this is how

we were taught when we first got to breast. They guide like the bras without pads are for when you're going to get married and look sexy. This is my culture. OK. And the one with bad are the respectful ones, like the ones where your nipples don't show. And that and not only me, I think we all have this in all cultures. ⁓

Rosie (08:46)
Yeah.

Wow.

WHAAAT

Roula (09:10)
So yes, I want to be less.

Rosie (09:10)
Where did you learn,

where did you learn that having hard nipples is a sign of arousal? Where did you learn that?

Roula (09:21)
It was an unspoken thrown dust in the air all the time. It's like a magic dust thrown above us all the time.

Rosie (09:35)
Yeah.

Roula (09:38)
or from comments of grownups around me. look at them. I learned it from women. Yes. Yes. My mom, her friends, our friends, the older girls around me. I didn't learn it from men, no.

Rosie (09:41)
Yeah, I think I learnt it from men and boys. Was there... No. Really? Do think it's true?

So are you saying that being able to see your nipples is inviting sexual advances or are you saying it's showing that you were turned on your horny?

Roula (10:07)
Yes. Yes.

both, both. If they are showing and you're not hiding them it means it's like you're showing off.

Rosie (10:18)
Yeah, true. And

some people have really big nipples, don't they? So it's really obvious.

Roula (10:25)
Yeah. But what can they do? Some people have big lips. Others have small nose. You know, it's like it's part of our body. We cannot change it. OK, so this is about nipples. I don't want to talk a lot and take so much time. You know, you have a podcast episode on the pursuit of freedom and your guest. love her. I really need to connect with her and your guest together with her husband.

Rosie (10:29)
What lips are we talking about?

It is.

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

⁓

Roula (10:54)
are manufacturing and developing underwear for men.

Rosie (10:58)
Yes, Sara, Sara Jemisin, yes.

Roula (11:00)
Sarah, right,

underwear for men to protect their testicles so they don't get squashed in their underwear. And in this podcast I talked about, they also mentioned how important for men not to wear these tight underwears so that their organ, I mean, I testicles, I can say it again, don't, and the whole, whole shenanigan there doesn't get squashed.

Rosie (11:29)
and overheats and uncomfortable.

Roula (11:29)
And what I did, yeah,

it must be. I ordered, I'm going to throw all, once they arrive, I'm going to throw all my, not my husband, but my son's underwear. And I brought for him, no, I ordered wide underwears, like shorts, boxer shorts, because all what he wears is tight. And sometimes I see him adjusting his thing. And I asked him.

Rosie (11:40)
You ordered cool beans or different?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

adjusting his thing.

Roula (12:00)
And I asked him, well, I told him, I don't know what I said to him. I asked him, is it uncomfortable for him there? He said, yes, his underwear is so annoying. It's so tight and it's like glue on each other. So I think he's going to be very happy when he have a wide boxer shorts.

Rosie (12:00)
Continue!

Hmm?

Yeah,

but what happens when people with a penis get a boner and they're wearing boxes because if you're wearing tight underwear you'd think it would conceal it a bit better. So does it matter that it's going to be more visible?

Roula (12:30)
Ahem.

What they said in this podcast is that what they do, they put their hands in their pockets and then they start moving around and then they have like three awkward things in front. They better not do that.

Rosie (12:48)
makes it worse, drawing more attention.

Roula (12:50)
I think,

yeah, I mean, I see a lot of men with heads in their pockets and then their heads are so low that probably they're just adjusting something.

Rosie (12:54)
god...

You know what, kind

of feel sorry because if we're aroused, what's the visual outward thing that people can see? Nothing. Nipples, apparently. But I mean, to me, that's not, you know, exactly, not necessarily, no.

Roula (13:06)
The nipples.

Not always, not necessarily.

And for men, it's all look, we both victim of of society that is sexualizing us. And maybe the word victim is big, but because our hard nipple is sexualized in a way that we are horny or we're inviting and men when they have a boner, we're scared because it's like they're predators. And this is anatomical and

Rosie (13:27)
Mmm.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Roula (13:45)
Our body is working in a way, I hope that our male listeners, please respectfully and really for a purpose, a good purpose, I hope that male listeners will tell us a little bit how they feel when they have a boner and when does it happen in not a sexual way because we are not interested in the sexual part.

Rosie (14:05)
Yes, because I don't understand that.

I don't understand.

Apparently, I googled it, so it occurs during sleep.

Something to do with stress apparently, like a stress response or a random physiological response. This just sounds like random textbook bullshit. I need to understand. Yes, please, please. Yes, you don't have to say your name. It is important. I think the more we understand each other, the better. Why not?

Roula (14:33)
from our listeners, we need to understand. Yes, we find it important.

Rosie (14:46)
Mmm.

Roula (14:46)
I can't see my

entire t-shirt. Fix it. All right, let's wrap this up. This was really fun because, ⁓ yes, I want to be free nipple. I want to free the nipples. Yes.

Rosie (14:49)
just popping your breasts out. yes.

free nipple it. Yes, stop

hiding your nipples ruler when you're at the beach and it's cold or whatever. That's ridiculous. Okay?

Roula (15:08)
Not at

the beach, mostly in conversations on the street. Yes, yes. Thank you so much for listening for our very enlightening conversation.

Rosie (15:12)
In conversation, just embrace the nipples, all right? It's natural, yes. Nippy nip.