108: Check Your Screen Time. This is the Elephant in Every Room: Smartphones addiction

What is the first thing we use to do when we wake up: Go and Pee. What is the first thin we do when we wake up: We grab our phone and go to pee.

We used to wake up, have breakfast, and go outside. Now, we wake up and check our phones before we even pee. This week, Rosie and Roula take a long, honest look at the ever-present device that’s quietly taken over our lives: the smartphone. 

In a nostalgic, funny, and surprisingly deep episode, they explore how tech crept into every corner of our day and how hard it is to live without it. From screen time shame to talk of phone rehab, it’s a digital detox conversation we all need. 

This episode explores: 

• What mornings looked like before smartphones 
• Why we treat phones like cigarettes and why the comparison works 
• Screen time confessions that might make you gasp 
• Whether two phones (one with no social media!) could be the fix 
• Why quitting might not be possible, but mindfulness is 

It’s not a preachy digital detox. It’s two women realizing they’re addicted to their phones —and maybe, just maybe, trying to change. 

Takeaways 

• Nostalgia for the 90s evokes memories of a simpler life. 
• The first thing many do today is check their phones. 
• Smartphones have created a dependency similar to addiction. 
• There is a growing rage against the constant need for phones. 
• Screen time averages can be alarming and revealing. 
• Being present with family is often compromised by phone use. 
• Cultural norms encourage excessive phone use and social media engagement. 
• Recognizing phone addiction is the first step to recovery. 
• Intentionality in phone use can lead to better mental health. 
• Checking screen time can help individuals understand their habits. 

Keywords 

90s nostalgia, smartphone addiction, cultural norms, digital detox, screen time awareness, personal stories, social media impact, technology dependence, mental health, communication 

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Transcript

Rosie (00:00)
Okay. Do you have a question?

Roula (00:05)
yeah, I do, I do. I do, my god, I lost it after we started chit-chatting.

Rosie (00:11)
While you do that, I'm going to get a drink. Hurry up.

you

Do you have a question? Are you ready? Yeah?

Roula (00:19)
⁓

Maybe you've experienced this, but probably not. And even if a Gen Xer been there, it's cool to go back and remember. So my question, Rosie, is if you wake up and it's back in the nineties, no wifi, no cell phone, the simple life. What is the first thing you do?

Rosie (00:36)
⁓

Okay.

Yeah. ⁓

Roula (01:00)
when you wake up.

Rosie (01:06)
trying to think back to what I did as a kid. I actually have no idea. Because the first thing I do these days is check my phone. I've been trying not to do that. I try to make the first thing I do, I go outside and get some sunshine for at least five minutes before I check my phone. But what did I do? Because I was a kid in the 90s. I was born in 91.

I know, maybe I went and had breakfast, chatted with mum and dad. Or if they weren't awake, if it was the weekend, I'd turn on cartoons. But that wasn't, that's not an every morning thing. Yeah. Or I'd write, I used to love writing too.

Roula (01:39)
⁓ yeah!

Yeah.

You were four years old in 95. Let's take you further in the 90s. So like you're 10 years old, 2005. Oh. So you're telling me you had Wi-Fi almost all your life? No. No.

Rosie (01:52)
Yeah.

No! No.

⁓ well, I remember when we got internet. I was.

10 or 11 when we got internet, but it was dial up. wasn't wifi. You know, noisy modem. And it wasn't really something I used ⁓ in year seven. So two years later, I started using it a little bit, researching for projects, assignments.

Yeah, like, so I did have the internet young, but it was the, it was like the birth of the internet. I know it didn't, I think it was well before that, but it was becoming mainstream when I was growing up.

Roula (02:53)
And if you think now, so you weren't a child in 95.

Rosie (02:55)
Mm.

Oh, if I wasn't a child in 95. Okay. If I was the age I am now.

Roula (03:01)
⁓ What would you do?

Yeah.

Rosie (03:10)
Yeah, I like being outside. Maybe I'd sit outside, eat my breakfast outside, go for a walk.

Roula (03:17)
Yes, not to have. Huh. While you're talking, I was trying to remember. Well, the first thing that is for sure is that I had to wake up and hurry up to get ready and go to work.

Rosie (03:19)
What did you do? I'm curious.

True. Yes.

Roula (03:34)
Yes, and there were no distractions. I do know, always turned on the radio. The moment, because my mom used to wake us up on the songs of Fairooz, this Lebanese famous singer. So in the morning, we, with our, uh, vector, our alarm was my mom turning on the music.

Rosie (03:59)
Yeah.

Roula (04:01)
And because we lived in small house, so we slept together, my sister and my brother. ⁓ We could all hear the songs. And then she started waking us up. And when we woke up, the first thing we did is start to get ready. Well, in 95, I was already working. ⁓ So yeah, get up quickly and get ready. I have nothing in my hands, actually. I had nothing in my hands. I just walked into the car.

Rosie (04:29)
Yeah.

Roula (04:31)
or walk to take like a cab? No.

Rosie (04:32)
We didn't need a constant distraction.

Yeah, sometimes I find it really hard to just sit

and be with my thoughts. I feel like I have to have my phone, do something. I have to fill the time. I couldn't possibly just sit there. It's crazy.

Roula (04:43)
Yeah.

I'm starting

to have a rage against the machine. I'm starting to have a rage against the phone, the smartphone.

Rosie (04:54)
⁓ yes!

Mmm, say more.

Roula (05:00)
a rage and I'm calling it a rage because this is really how I feel.

I'm thinking of having a phone in my office where my social media is on it and My regular phone smartphone. I don't want to have anything on it except whatsapp because we make calls with whatsapp music podcasts

I want to have two separate phones because this rage against having the phone in my hand all the time. You know, I used to smoke. I was a smoker. I was addicted to nicotine. And every five minutes I felt the anxiousness and I wanted to go out and smoke. And for fuck's sake, we're all addicted now to our phones. We're not smokers. We're worse. We're all being

Rosie (05:26)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is true.

Roula (05:55)
blinded by the lights of the phone. These are titles of songs hitting in my head.

Rosie (05:56)
You know what I do? I don't have...

the way your brain works. But what I was going to say, I have different focus modes on my phone. So I'm currently in recording a podcast mode. So even my background's different. It's like a similar photo to what my podcast artwork is. This was before you and I started recording. The only apps I have in this mode are Notes, the Riverside app, the internet and Starlink, because that's my internet and then phone maps camera. ⁓ That's it.

Roula (06:28)
⁓ cool.

Rosie (06:35)
And then if I'm working, I've got a working mode. And if I'm just chilling out and I've got access to everything, but it's interesting because I can cheat and switch the mode if I want to use a different app. It's quite easy for me to do that. It does create an extra step. So it does help discourage me, but it's very easy for me to just use the app. So you having physically different.

Roula (06:51)
Exactly.

Rosie (07:05)
phone is pretty cool. However, you could just go download the app on your other phone. You don't think you're going to do that?

Roula (07:09)
Yeah.

Well, that's the whole point that I don't do that because if I'm going to download my phone on my app on the other phone, then I'll be a really big.

I have a relapse. It's like an addiction relapse.

Rosie (07:32)
relapse

yeah mmm

Roula (07:35)
And

then I'm truly in trouble because I have to go through my phone rehab again. What do want to do?

Rosie (07:41)
Let's do something. I don't really want to do this. Phone rehab, yep.

You've got an iPhone too. Go in and check your screen time.

Mine's going to be like out of this world. No, but it'll give you like an average. It'll give you an average. I think it does anyway. Yeah, Screen time.

Roula (07:53)
It's too early for me. It's 9.30. Okay, okay. ⁓ I always have to search where it is.

Where's screen time? here. I found it.

Rosie (08:10)
You can search for it in settings. ⁓

my God. I don't think I want to tell you. I have been pretty bad lately. What is your daily average? my God. That's atrocious.

Roula (08:26)
3 hours and 44 minutes... What?

Rosie (08:28)
Guess what mine is? I

can't say it. 8 hours and 14 minutes.

Roula (08:36)
Wow.

Rosie (08:38)
my God, daily average. you serious? Eight fucking hours. What the hell?

Roula (08:42)
three fucking hours on the phone

Wow, that's insightful.

Rosie (08:49)
my God,

that's confronting. And yeah, part of our work.

Roula (08:55)
Your average is

eight hours, mine is three hours, so there are days where I'm almost six hours.

Rosie (09:04)
Mmm.

Mmm, holy shit.

Roula (09:07)
This is alarming.

This is stupid.

Rosie (09:11)
Imagine how much time we would gain back. Cause I think obviously I do like having a phone. There's things I don't want to give up. Like being able to communicate with people, make a phone call, maps I use a lot. Those things I feel justified, but other things like I spend a lot of time on YouTube.

Roula (09:33)
⁓ yes.

Rosie (09:33)
Sorry, I'm burping because I'm

drinking soft drink. Um, excuse me. I spend a lot of time on YouTube and I learn a lot.

Roula (09:40)
Is it allowed to burp in public?

Is it allowed to burp? We have to go to our very, very beginning of episodes, burp and fart.

Rosie (09:44)
Yes, say excuse me. Yes, the etiquette episode.

yes. Whatever number that was. Go back. ⁓

Roula (09:52)
Mm.

Rosie (09:56)
Yeah, but that's a lot of time. So I live stream for example, and they're often two, three hours long, sometimes more. Even so, if I took that off, that's still five hours a day.

Roula (10:10)
So here's my thought. I want in my kitchen, I want to use the laptop instead of using my phone because when I'm cooking, looking at recipes and I'm doing things that are not social media, even looking for recipes or ingredients. And if I do this from my phone, then I'm using my phone, but also my neck and my face is like this. It's horrible. So I'm thinking of having my laptop in the kitchen and

Rosie (10:11)
That's a lot.

Mmm.

Roula (10:37)
have another phone in my office with social media and everything and I just lock it because I'm not there all the time. But I'm going to tell you why, Rosie. I've been an addict smoking and I know that I'm an addict ⁓ on my phone. I know how it looks like. If someone hasn't been in recovery, because I guess the person is in their whole life in recovery.

Rosie (10:43)
You're so bougie.

Mm.

Mmm.

Roula (11:06)
Wouldn't know what addiction is will be in denial. I can control it. No, I'm not addicted to it I can put my phone away, but these are all lies. We tell ourselves to justify our behavior and It's easier than saying I'm addicted to my phone when I realized how addicted I am to smoking I did something about it. I well I did like steps to stop there were not 12 steps. There were six steps recovery and I learned so much

Rosie (11:17)
Yeah.

Roula (11:35)
that I see it happening again on my use of the phone and this rage I have against the phone, against everything what it represents and how much we're encouraged to be on it. Because now we're encouraged to plan our life on it, our maps, our notes, our calendar, everything.

Rosie (11:49)
Okay, here's my next question. You're on your bloody

soapbox. What? I hear you. But why don't you just get rid of your phone? Why do you need two? Why not just not have one?

Roula (12:01)
I need to call with WhatsApp. call my family for free and I app with my daughters. So the really valuable app for me on the phone is WhatsApp And here in the Netherlands, like instances that the city hall, your, the police, everything is in app on the phone. You cannot do anything anymore on paper. You cannot even go physically to a place anymore. Everything is on the phone.

Rosie (12:10)
is

Hmm.

It's true. Society has made it hard. That's true. So why a second phone? Why do you need social media at all?

Roula (12:38)
because I need to promote the podcast.

Rosie (12:41)
Is

Roula (12:43)
No, and that is the bad swing. Outsource it!

Yes, look with Instagram, it doesn't work from your laptop to put reels and stories like it worked from the phone. So it is done to optimise the work from the phone and not from a laptop.

Rosie (13:00)
Mmm.

Isn't that like they must do that on purpose? Courageous you to spend more time on there.

Roula (13:10)
Of course.

Rosie (13:16)
Whoa, yeah, I can't get over my average. So what's your goal for your screen time? Do you have a goal?

Roula (13:17)
So my goal, to get rid of it.

⁓ I want to be very present when my son and kids are at home. I don't want to have this phone in my hand all the time. That's like I'm going to the bedroom. It's my hand. I'm going to clean. It's my. OK, I do listen to podcasts, so this app can stay on my phone, but I don't have to have it open because the podcast is in my pocket. I don't need to look at it. Yeah, I want to not hold the phone in my hands anymore. And.

Rosie (13:44)
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Roula (13:55)
help myself not to just be on stupid social media. That's it.

Rosie (14:00)
Hmm.

My most used app. I'm just looking at it. Wait, you should look at it too. Is TikTok. And that's where I'm beginning to make money and build a brand. So listen to me try to justify this. my God. I'm going to stop doing that, but TikTok.

Roula (14:18)
The problem

is that TikTok helping you grow, you need it. And that's a problem, yes, because you're on your phone. But if you reduce watching YouTube, for example, or whatever other things you do, I don't know what we do on our phone.

Rosie (14:28)
Mm-mm.

So my top one, TikTok, and then it's communication apps. It's WhatsApp and Messenger. They're the next two. Then it's YouTube, Facebook and Safari.

So TikTok's the biggest one.

Roula (14:46)
⁓ okay.

Rosie (14:52)
mean, seeing that it's messages that are the second and third, I don't feel so bad. However, do I really need to be spending that much time messaging people? It's my way to stay in touch and communicate.

Roula (15:05)
Yeah, mine, the biggest is WhatsApp.

Yeah, but we don't have to answer right away. We can have a scheduled time where we, and I'm saying we can, like I know how to do it. No, I'm screwing it up and I'm telling myself how it can be done better. Just answer the messages in our downtime time when we're planning to have, I don't know, 10, 20 minutes to answer our messages. We're so expected to reply.

Rosie (15:13)
Yeah.

Mmm.

Instantly. hate it when people don't respond quickly. I don't like it. But, well, yeah, I suppose. I suppose. It makes it easier to not make the time to go see someone because we can just talk to them any odd time on their phone.

Roula (15:40)
immediately, to be present instantly.

Yeah, but what's the urgency?

Rosie (16:01)
So maybe, maybe spending less time on messages and that sort of thing isn't a bad thing. Not to mean you're not available. Call. And you have to answer rule Roula ⁓

Roula (16:10)
If it's urgent, we have to pick up the phone and call.

If we agree, Rosie is calling me because it's urgent, I'll pick it up.

Rosie (16:23)
If we make an agreement. True. just have the conversation. This is Interesting.

Roula (16:29)
Mm. Yeah. ⁓

This topic, think we're talking about it out loud and a of people are in denial and other people feeling the same as us and a few people probably succeeded in breaking this addiction. It concerns all of us. It's cultural, it's societal. This is something that we need. This is our fentanyl, I think.

Rosie (16:57)
I what?

Roula (16:59)
Fentanyl.

Rosie (17:00)
What's that? fentanyl. my God. I had a moment. There's slightly different pronunciation. was like, huh? Well, no, no, no. I don't think it is an exaggeration. And it's just, it has been so normalized. And another parallel I can think of in Australia is alcohol. Alcohol is a very destructive drug, but it is so normalized here.

Roula (17:04)
Yeah, I'm really exaggerating, but we're just,

Rosie (17:29)
to just drink and drink and drink, go get pissed. No one worries about that. No one worries about the phone stuff. I mean, there is talk about it. I spend too much time on my phone or, hmm, but what's happening about it?

Roula (17:31)
Yeah.

Yes. Okay. We encourage our listeners to jump with us on this challenge of using the phone less and

Rosie (17:55)
Or at least just check your screen

time. Go check it. That's the first thing you need to do. Go check your screen time and look at what apps you are using the most. And then maybe you can be more intentional with the time you spend on your phone and maybe the apps you are using.

Roula (17:58)
Yeah, that's a good one.

Yeah. All right.

Rosie (18:13)
Not that I'm telling you what to do.

Bye!

Roula (18:17)
Let's break

this vicious circle. Bye!

Rosie (18:22)
you