The Rosie and Roula Show

105: Is Being Judgemental a Bad Thing?

Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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Is Being Judgmental Always Bad?  

We all do it. Whether it's silently raising an eyebrow at someone’s outfit or voicing a strong opinion about someone’s choices , judgment is a part of how we move through the world. But is that really a bad thing? 

This week, Rosie and Roula go deep on the concept of judgment. After catching themselves using the phrase “I’m being judgmental” in a recent episode, they ask the bigger question: why are we so afraid of judging   and being judged? 

Roula reflects on cultural norms, parenting moments, and what judgment really means when our expectations clash with reality. Rosie calls out the subtle difference between judgment and “jumping to conclusions.” Together, they unpack why judgment isn't just inevitable  it's human. 

This episode explores: 

  • Why judgment can be a survival mechanism 
  • The difference between being opinionated and being unkind 
  • How judgment reflects more about us than others 
  • And why we should stop apologizing for having standards 

If you’ve ever bitten your tongue in fear of “sounding judgmental,” this one might just set you free. 

Takeaways 

  • Being judgmental can be a reflection of our own insecurities. 
  • Judgment is a natural human behavior. 
  • It's important to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy judgment. 
  • Judgment can help us form opinions and beliefs. 
  • Self-awareness is key to understanding our judgments. 
  • Judgment can serve as a survival mechanism. 
  • We should be mindful of how we express our judgments. 
  • Judgment can be both positive and negative depending on context. 
  • It's human to have expectations that lead to judgment. 
  • Understanding our judgments can lead to personal growth. 

 

Keywords 

judgment, self-awareness, opinions, identity, survival mechanism, expectations, self-reflection, conversation, understanding, personal growth 

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Roula (00:00)
I mean, I wonder how I don't have an Aussie accent while the only person I speak to in English every day this instance is you.

and I still don't have an Aussie accent.

Rosie (00:18)
That's ⁓

Roula (00:19)
Ugh.

Amazing,

Rosie (00:26)
I've got one.

Roula (00:39)
Yes, hit me.

Rosie (00:40)
We recorded an

episode a couple of days ago. We were talking about, I don't actually remember. It was episode 103. Talking about ice baths, music, being a stranger, that sort of thing. Now you kept saying, oh, I'm being judgmental. You said it maybe three, four, five times.

I want to talk about that. Why, why do we think being judgmental is a bad thing?

Roula (01:04)
Yeah. ⁓

Rosie (01:13)
Is it a bad thing?

Roula (01:21)
⁓ I don't think it's a bad thing. Look on my podcast, I say at the end of my intro with lot of no judgment and lot of understanding.

Rosie (01:30)
Mmm.

Roula (01:33)
And I do think about it because when we say no judgment, it means we don't have an opinion.

Rosie (01:44)
Ooh, does it?

Yet tell me your definition. What does it actually mean?

Roula (01:48)
now you're making me doubt.

Look, there is something that judgment is good. For example, if my kids don't do this, but I'm giving an example. If my kid is leaving the house wearing something that is very revealing and trashy and etc. Really not something I wish my kids would wear to leave the house with. ⁓ And they tell them I'm being judgmental. I'm being

sort of, I'm judging you of who you are because of the clothes you're wearing.

Rosie (02:33)
Mmm, that sounds pretty shallow.

Roula (02:35)
And we only

give, we give first impression once.

And this judgment in our head is receiving how this first impression is happening. So this is one side of judgmental. And the other one regarding the episode that I said I'm being judgmental, is because I have certain expectations and they are not being met. So I'm judging them for not meeting my expectations.

Rosie (02:50)
Hmm.

Okay, yep.

And is

that, do you think that's a good form of judgment or bad? Like, is that a good thing to do that?

Roula (03:15)
⁓ as long as I don't say anything to hurt them, I mean, I'm allowed to have to be judgmental in my head. I'm not acting on it because I'm saying it out loud and it doesn't have a complete context.

Rosie (03:23)
Yeah. So why did you feel you had to justify it?

Mmm.

And are you scared of other people judging you?

Roula (03:36)
No, no. I'm more scared of judging of of hold on. This is is this is crazy. No, I think that I'm not scared of people judging me because I really don't care in a way that

Rosie (03:38)
But then why would you be...

You did care!

Roula (03:55)
Judging me? You're so right in being judgmental.

Rosie (04:00)


Roula (04:02)
It means probably I'm less trustworthy. I'm being negative.

Rosie (04:09)
Mmm.

Roula (04:11)
I'm putting people in a certain corner. And I don't want to be this kind of person.

Rosie (04:14)
So maybe,

yeah, so maybe that kind of judgment is a bit like jumping to conclusions. You see somebody, you make a split second judgment, that's not the same, but you judge them instantly, with no context, without talking to them, nothing. That...

I forgot the words I said, what did I say that was? Jumping to conclusions. That I think is, can be very negative. But judgment is important, isn't it? I've always said, ⁓ don't be so judgmental. Like get over yourself. But actually our judgment forms part of what keeps us safe. It's part of our identity. Because judgment.

Don't you think that forms our opinions and beliefs? Because we are judging.

Roula (05:22)
this I think the role the positive role it plays is helping us maybe mean more self-conscient self aware

Rosie (05:35)
Mmm.

Roula (05:37)
or advising the other on something that's causing this judgment that could be improved. And I'm not saying advising out of context, out of question, et cetera, maybe in a conversation, in the right moment. I don't know. What I'm saying and rambling here is that it is not human not to be judgmental. There isn't a human who cannot can be. It's human.

Rosie (06:00)
Yeah, so it's human, it's human, yeah.

Roula (06:06)
It's a survival mechanism, as you said.

Rosie (06:07)
Ooh, survival

mechanism, yes! I didn't use those words, it kinda is.

Roula (06:13)
It is a survival mechanism because if I'm being judgmental, I'm seeing something, I'm trying to work it for myself. I'm not trying to work it for you because why do I think you're, why am I being judgmental of you? It has to do with me, not with you.

Rosie (06:33)
Yeah. Mmm.

Roula (06:35)
If I'm being judgmental

that these people did not wear proper things for a breath workshop to be comfortable and etc. It's my problem because they might be comfortable in their clothes.

Rosie (06:43)
Yeah.

Yeah,

so why did it bother you so much?

Roula (06:56)
that they're not wearing the proper clothes.

Rosie (06:58)
Mmm.

Roula (07:00)
Well, in the end, they were really uncomfortable and cold. It should not. It should not. And this is part of being judgmental. It has nothing to do with them. It has to do with me.

Rosie (07:04)
Why does that matter to you?

So yeah, so our judgments, yeah,

our judgments of others are actually more so a reflection of ourselves than it is anything to do with the people or thing that we're judging.

Roula (07:23)
I think so, yes.

Rosie (07:24)
Mmm.

On that note, I think we should wrap it up. It is important. It is. But it is time to wrap it up because I feel this is a conversation where people like you and I could get on our soapbox and just waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle, waffle. All right, stop waffling.

Roula (07:28)
But it's important.

I'm gonna stop.

Rosie (07:51)
Is waffle a word that's used? Well, you knew what I meant when I said waffled. Yeah.

Roula (07:56)
I... yeah, no, no,

it's not... it's not a word. Definitely not in Dutch.

Rosie (08:02)
Mmm?

Roula (08:04)
definitely not in Dutch. I'm not sure because you know Dutch is not my mother tongue and I try my best to speak it in the best possible ways. I would say ouewhoeren in Dutch they would probably use the word ouewhoeren but I have to ask my husband to be sure that's the right word because if he's going to listen to this episode and hear me saying this and it's wrong he's gonna judge me.

Rosie (08:30)
That's about him, not about you, so who bloody cares? Alright listeners, judge away, it's more about you than it is about the episode. Let us know your thoughts. Do you think judgement is a good or bad thing? Do you think our judgement of what judgement is, right?

Roula (08:31)
You

I really want to know.

Yes, I'm really, really curious to know how people think. Is it okay to be judgmental or not okay?

Rosie (08:54)
All right, toodles.

Roula (08:57)
Thank you

for listening. Bye.