The Rosie and Roula Show

103: Not Fitting In: Breathwork, Ice Baths & Being the Outsider

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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Stranger Among Strangers: Breathwork, Ice Baths & Awkward Silence 

This week, Rosie and Roula dive headfirst literally and figuratively into the discomfort of being the odd one out. Roula recounts her experience at a breathwork and ice bath workshop where she arrived feeling like a total outsider in a room full of Dutch strangers. Cue awkward introductions, misjudged icebreakers (yes, she asked if anyone was a mum), and a bit of spiritual euphoria. 

Together, Rosie and Roula explore: 

  • Why silence in groups can feel so heavy 
  • The social gymnastics of finding connection as an adult 
  • How breathwork (and yes, even freezing water) can bring clarity 
  • The difference between being alone and feeling lonely 
  • And whether Linkin Park is millennial music 

If you’ve ever walked into a room full of people and felt like you didn’t belong, this episode is your warm welcome. 

Keywords 

ice bath, breathwork, connection, strangers, small talk, awkwardness, mindfulness, personal growth, workshops, self-discovery 

  

 Takeaways 

The ice bath is a small part of a larger experience. 

Breathwork is essential for grounding and emotional release. 

Feeling like a stranger can be uncomfortable but is common. 

Observing others can help ease social anxiety. 

Finding common ground is crucial for connection. 

Asking open-ended questions can break the ice. 

Silence in conversations can feel awkward but is natural. 

It's okay to feel vulnerable in new settings. 

Not every conversation needs to be polished or perfect. 

Authenticity in dialogue is more important than perfection. 

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Roula (00:00)
have been really, really super. I feel very lucky because I feel very energetic and I have so much to talk to you about. And it's not like the listeners want to listen to all this stuff. So I want to talk to you about them. I do want to say, ask you. Maybe we talked about this before on Sunday. I did the ice bath.

Rosie (00:07)
Mm-hmm.

Should I stop recording?

You did not tell me.

Roula (00:26)
⁓ the second time. Have I ever told you that I did it before? ⁓ goodness. No, no, keep recording because I want to say something.

Rosie (00:29)
Nah, nah.

Roula (00:38)
There is lot of hype around ice bath, but it's not about the ice bath. We had like four hours of deep breathing. So close to feeling high. The people in the group that I joined were tired, overworked, feeling depressed, searching for something to help them ease the anxiety.

Rosie (00:47)
wow, yeah.

Wow.

Roula (01:04)
it happened that this group, many persons in it were feeling overwhelmed and this is why they went to this workshop.

The breathing, takes four hours. The ice bath takes only two minutes per person. So it's really that it's the cherry on top of the icing if you want. What I want to say is that after everyone from the nine people went into the ice bath and we all left or get out from it with a smile, feeling powerful, like all our troubles are washed away. And that is what matters.

Rosie (01:43)
Yeah, I need to try this.

Roula (01:47)
Yes, I recommend it. Forget negative things you read about it. The breathing experience, that is what teaches us to be grounded and feel so I cannot talk enough about it because people say, yeah, you did it. Of course, you gonna talk well about it.

Rosie (02:01)
So it's kind of less

about the ice bath and more about the breathing and, yeah.

Roula (02:05)
Absolutely. The ice

bath is a choice. And if you don't do it, it has no impact on your workshop of breathing.

Rosie (02:13)
You reckon?

I'd want the ice bath afterwards. feel like it's a real invigorating, wah, way to end it.

Roula (02:21)
I'm

going to buy an inflatable one and do it here at home.

Rosie (02:25)
We

should record an episode while we're both sitting in an ice bath and see how long we can last. That would be hilarious.

Roula (02:34)
No, no, we're not gonna do this, that's dangerous!

Rosie (02:35)
Yes! Yes! And you'll

have to breathe through it. It'll just be a quick episode. Three minutes. I reckon we could do it.

Roula (02:41)
Yes, first you

need to learn how to breathe before you do the ice bath. Because this helps really to endure the cold.

Rosie (02:49)
So we have an episode about ice

baths. Is this what we're going to

Roula (02:52)
Where's my phone? I have wrote a couple of things.

Rosie (02:56)
Yes, some of it's in Dutch.

Roula (02:59)
Yeah, because the moment was in Dutch. I didn't even realize that I wrote them in Dutch. ⁓

Rosie (03:02)
Mmm.

Roula (03:10)
Okay, okay. Well, the one in Dutch, is about something I felt during the breathwork workshop.

Rosie (03:18)
Mmm.

Roula (03:31)
Rosie, here comes the question.

What comes to your mind when you are a stranger among strangers in an intimate setting? Amongst people are strange when you are stranger faces look ugly when you're alone. The doors, Jim Morrison.

Rosie (03:41)
Pfft. A stranger amongst strangers.

I'm embarrassed to say I don't know that song. You're rude to me today. yes, and I'm proud of it.

Roula (03:58)
Of course you do.

You're a millennial.

But I'm not

proud of the quality of music you listen to, but let's continue.

That's not the question. That's not the discussion.

Rosie (04:16)
You like, you, you like, yeah, but you like,

you can't just like slag me off and then move on. Limp Bizkit, is that not a millennial band that you love? Linkin Park.

Roula (04:27)
Wow,

I want to break stuff now.

Rosie (04:32)
Yeah. I listened to the song, by the way, Break Stuff or whatever it's called.

Roula (04:37)
How good is that?

Rosie (04:38)
So good, because I was editing the episode about losing your shit. And yes, I was going through it and you mentioned the song. I'm like, I don't know this fricking song. What bullshit is she on about? And actually, good song. I think I'll listen to that next time I want to lose my shit.

Roula (04:58)
Wow, I don't even remember I mentioned this song. This is this is me and music.

Rosie (05:02)
Episode 83.

Yeah, episode 83. Go listen, everybody.

Roula (05:08)
Alright, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, I'm with you on this. Doors is really old, it's not even from this time.

Rosie (05:09)
yeah, sorry, back to...

But

my point was, you need to admit you're wrong because millennial music is actually quite good.

Roula (05:24)
I can't if you don't know The Doors and Jim Morrison. It just doesn't make sense to me to praise you for your music talent.

Rosie (05:28)
No, no, no, but the point is...

Well, you can't listen to another Limp Bizkit or Linkin Park song ever. That's it.

Roula (05:39)
They're 90s music.

Rosie (05:41)
Yeah, that's millennial. Is it not? Or are they from the previous generation?

Roula (05:45)
No, mean millennial and music is that what made Linkin Park, what made Limp Bizkit is a history of music that came before them.

Rosie (05:55)
Oh, okay.

But still they are from the millennial era. You are not winning this one. Thank you. Yes. All right. Sorry. The angry era. Yeah. It was an angry time. Oh, we're getting sidetracked today. Ice baths, music, but we're talking about being a stranger amongst strangers. Very eloquently worded. I am a very awkward person.

Roula (06:00)
Yeah, they're good musicians. Yes. Yeah, the angry era. ⁓ we're not talking about this now.

Rosie (06:24)
I just am. And so when I meet people for the first time, it's awkward. I don't know how to start conversation. I don't know how to hold conversation, which listeners might find strange because you and I converse all the time on this podcast. We talk. I always seem to have some bull crap to talk about. With strangers though, there's just this awkward silence. I don't know what to say.

and people are very uncomfortable with silence.

What's your experience?

Roula (07:03)
I'm on the maybe opposite of the spectrum of being a stranger between strangers. I like to observe the people, the strangers.

Rosie (07:13)
Or me too.

Yeah.

Roula (07:17)
I learned not to try to say something because the silence is awkward.

And I'm thinking about it because I thought I'm ready for this conversation because I experienced it on Sunday. I'm not.

Rosie (07:31)
You're really not, you? Well, tell us the story.

Tell us the story that made you think of this question.

Roula (07:39)
Yes. So on Sunday, ⁓ I entered, a spa place where the breath workshop is taking place. And there were people already there. I was the last one to arrive, but I arrived on time and they seemed. They were three groups or two groups. They knew each other. And I really felt a stranger for multiple reasons. They know each other and they're very tall because they're Dutch.

And they're not dressed prepared for a breathwork. I'm so judgmental. Very uncomfortable clothes like like a dress wearing that wearing dresses. Anyway, I'm so judgmental. But they didn't know what to expect and they didn't put the time to get ready. I'm being judgmental again. All right. Here we go. And we sat down in on our mats in a beautiful room in circles.

Rosie (08:11)
and you're very short.

⁓ were they wearing like the really tight fitting active wear? a dress, what? What?

Roula (08:39)
And I couldn't feel any warmth or friendliness, me who's being very judgmental. This is my hypocrisy, Rosie.

Rosie (08:46)
You can stop justifying.

know you're being judgmental. I think we need to talk about that in another episode. Continue. Stop justifying.

Roula (08:50)
Yes. I didn't feel

any warmth and I didn't feel any welcoming feeling sitting there among these strangers.

Rosie (09:05)
Do you think it's because they all knew each other and you were the odd one out?

Roula (09:10)
Could be, that's a very good reason.

Rosie (09:12)
Because

what if the workshop was everybody was a stranger. Nobody knew anybody. Would that have felt different?

Roula (09:23)
Wherever I go, I look for friendly faces.

to feel safe and secure and to feel like I'm in the right place. I'm being very vulnerable here, Rosie.

Rosie (09:35)
You are, yeah.

Roula (09:38)
Yeah, I've looked to familiar faces, friendly faces, not familiar, friendly. And I found it on Sunday. I found it in two persons. Yes.

Rosie (09:50)
Mm-hmm.

Roula (09:55)
So from nine persons, I found chemistry with two persons, and that was enough to loosen up and feel comfortable.

Rosie (10:01)
Yeah, I mean, that's a pretty good hit

rate. Two out of nine, that's almost, what's that, 22 % hit rate? Not bad.

Roula (10:11)
Yes, yes.

Rosie (10:12)
Mmm. So what's the point to this story?

Roula (10:16)
Yeah, about how we feel stranger among strangers and we feel awkward and ⁓ silence is awkward. Afraid to say something that might sound wrong or offending or show too much of yourself.

Rosie (10:28)
you

Hmm. So how did you connect with these two people? Because it's awkward. You know nobody, you're not feeling welcome. But then you've made a connection with two people. Did you just start talking about the weather?

Roula (10:48)
No, not the weather. It was about, have you done this before?

Rosie (10:54)
⁓ yeah, that's an obvious one to start with. Yeah.

Roula (10:56)
Yeah, it was Mother Day. So, so nice to spend time for yourself or a mother and for the dad. There was also the friendly face. There was a father and yeah, he, he was happy to be there and he did what he has to do in the morning. And they both had no idea what to expect from the workshop. That was a kind of icebreaker.

Rosie (11:00)
⁓ Yeah.

at the high spa workshop.

Roula (11:24)
Yeah, so now I know. Try to

find a common thing and ask a question, whether it's the birthday person or the type of workshop or the deceased person. It's becoming a very boring conversation. I don't like it.

Rosie (11:31)
Yeah.

You're rambling today, feel, Roula Why, why, this is, this is a-

Roula (11:43)
Mm. Mm. Shall we talk about music instead?

I picked the wrong topic.

Rosie (11:50)
You're

such a Gen X-er, seriously.

Roula (11:55)
What does it mean? I'm Gen X-er. Among so many stuff.

Rosie (11:56)
I don't know, it just felt like an insult. couldn't...

You what?

Roula (12:02)
There must be one meaning, I'm such a gen Xer between so many others.

Rosie (12:05)
I was,

I don't know, I was trying to insult you and I didn't have one. But I think it's, it's one of these things you observe in life and it's not a particularly funny story or an earth shattering profound story, but it's something we experience all the time. We find ourselves in situations where we're surrounded by strangers. And I love your takeaway that it's about finding something you have in common quickly and a quick

An easy way for you to do that was have you done this before? The first thing you have in common is you've come to this breathing workshop. So, okay, have you done it before? And there you go, you're off to the races. Why did you decide to do the workshop?

Roula (12:49)
Yeah.

Rosie (12:50)
Or it's Mother's Day, do you have kids? Or is that too personal?

Roula (12:55)
Wow, that was so awkward. I said before the workshop starts because, you know, I had been posting things about what mothers want on Mother's Day. And when I saw these ladies, group of ladies there ⁓ before we entered the relaxation room, I asked, is there any mothers here today?

Rosie (13:07)
Mm.

Roula (13:21)
The look on their faces were not friendly. They were like, what the fuck is this question? The friendly person said, I'm a mom. So I said to her, good for you. You're spending time here today.

Rosie (13:24)
⁓

Did you say I'm a mum too? Did you share that? no. That's weird. You're weird.

Roula (13:38)
No, I didn't. I didn't.

But yeah, I was a stranger asking strangers if they're mom, if they are mothers. That's weird.

Rosie (13:47)
You didn't share that your one. That is, yeah, okay. That is weird. I would have been looking at you like,

no, I'm not a mum. What are you, what, why?

Roula (13:58)
Yes, I wish someone asked me why to wake me up from my thoughts.

Rosie (14:05)
⁓ Well, anyway, next time you're in a room with strangers, maybe find something to connect on. Don't be awkward like Rula and ask out of the blue, who's a mum? With no context, because they don't know if you're going to judge them poorly if they are a mum or if they're not. They don't know where this is going. That's a very risky question to answer. That's big. Don't do that. Some people might not have known that.

Roula (14:28)
Where's Mother's Day?

What people?

Rosie (14:37)
Me? I forgot it was Mother's Day. I forgot it was Mother's Day. Because Mum's not around. No it's not. How is it different?

Roula (14:39)
Yeah, well, yeah, that's it's different. It's different. True,

No, no, no. I mean, yeah, your your your reason is reasonable.

Rosie (14:50)
Why thank you?

for saying I'm reasonable. ⁓ cause you know, I'm looking for your approval. This episode feels very strange. You don't like it? It's going in any way. Cause you know what? We're not always very polished podcast hosts. And I think that's okay. Keep it real man. Right. Thank you. It says Rosie in ruler.

Roula (14:55)
Yeah, let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it up. I don't like it. No.

Thank you, Rosie. I love your T-shirt. I don't have mine yet.

Really cute.

Rosie (15:20)
Go follow us on YouTube if you're not already because we look beautiful on camera. Rula's hair is looking beautiful today. It looks different. Did you straighten it or something?

Roula (15:28)
Because I don't have

the headset. I don't have the headset. Yeah.

Rosie (15:31)
Is that what it is? But it

look, wow. Is that the only difference? You didn't do anything different. Huh. Right. Well, I think we should continue wearing our non-headset things. Yes. Cool. And I had a haircut today, so I'm feeling very fresh. Anyway, stop talking. thank you. See? Accepting compliments. That was another episode we did. Gosh, we're good. We're on fire. Accepting compliments, episode 92.

Roula (15:37)
Hmm. No. No. Hmm.

true.

Yeah, you look gorgeous.

You

Rosie (16:01)
Yes, we're plugging our own podcast. Right, bye everybody.

Roula (16:04)
Yes.

Bye!