The Rosie and Roula Show

98: What If Porn was made by Women for Women

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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What If Porn Was Actually... Made for Women? 💡💋


Rosie and Roula are going there. In this bold and honest conversation, they dive into what happens when porn is made *for* women — not just featuring them. From pleasure to power, this episode challenges the mainstream and embraces a new narrative around desire.


In this episode, we unpack:

• Why mainstream porn leaves so many women cold

• The rise of ethical, female-directed porn

• How porn can actually be a tool for *connection* (yes, really)

• How porn made for women changes *everything*

• Why foreplay starts way before the bedroom

• What talking about porn with your partner — or your kid — can look like


We ask big questions, like:

• Why is so much of porn still made for men?

• What does *ethical* porn really look like?

• How can women reclaim pleasure, power, and agency through a sex-positive lens?


We also spotlight two groundbreaking platforms changing the game:

🔹 [FrolicMe](https://www.frolicme.com) — sensual, cinematic, female-led erotica

🔹 [Erika Lust Films](https://www.erikalust.com) — revolutionizing porn with story-driven, inclusive content


Plus:

🎧 Check out *The Life Affairs Podcast* by Roula for more episodes on intimacy, fantasy, communication, and connection.


🔗 Links & Resources:

• rosieandroula.com — Leave us your questions & thoughts

• FrolicMe — [www.frolicme.com](http://www.frolicme.com)

• Erika Lust — [www.erikalust.com](http://www.erikalust.com)

• The Life Affairs Podcast — \[Insert link here]


Listen now wherever you get your podcasts..

And don’t forget to rate, review, and share if this episode speaks to you!


Keywords

pornography, sex education, women empowerment, body image, relationships, healthy communication, foreplay, sexual health, women-centric porn, educating children 





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Rosie (00:00)
What are you doing Tilly? Hey, what you doing? Hey!

Roula (00:02)
Tilly.

Rosie (00:07)
You're going to introduce yourself, Tilly. Yeah? You say hello.

a bit microphone shy, are you?

Roula (00:22)
Hello Tilly! Would Tilly know if she hears her name but she can't now because he has the headset

Rosie (00:27)
Yeah,

I can take them in. Say hi. Hello. Roula says hello. You she does.

Roula (00:31)
That's okay.

So cute.

Rosie, are you ready for our next episode?

Rosie (00:43)
But I think so. I think so.

Roula (00:46)
Okay, we will give it a try.

Rosie (00:48)
Still recovering

from our episode about sex.

Roula (00:52)
But this one's going to be a continuity for it.

Rosie (00:56)
shit, okay, buckle up.

Roula (00:58)
Buckle up.

Remember how we said in the previous episode that it's good to educate ourselves. And there has been, okay, what I'm going to say is not going to make people happy, but if they're conservative and don't want to hear this, they'd rather not continue listening to the episodes. We don't force people to listen to what they don't want to listen. So if yes.

Rosie (01:16)
Mm.

Exactly. You stay here if you're in free will.

Bugger off if you're not interested.

Roula (01:40)
Okay,

the wrong thing to educate ourselves. I mean, I don't have, do I have a question? Yes, I do have a question because we should start with a question.

Rosie (01:47)
Okay,

I suppose, yeah. That is the usual way we do things.

Roula (01:54)
Buckle up Rosie, this can now make you fall off your seat.

Rosie (01:57)
Jesus, okay, yep.

Roula (02:02)
So, have you ever watched porn?

Rosie (02:04)
Yeah. Are you expecting me to say, yeah, okay.

Roula (02:07)
cool. Okay.

was expecting you to say no.

Rosie (02:12)
A little bit offended. Continue, yes?

Roula (02:16)
Okay, so where do you watch porn? On what sites?

Rosie (02:22)
I don't actually, I haven't found porn I like online. So I wouldn't be able to tell you these sites are what I watch on because it's all just, am I allowed to start talking or am I waiting for a question? Because I'm about to go on a rant.

Roula (02:38)
You're allowed to start talking. Go,

start renting.

Rosie (02:42)
I think porn is just glorified.

wet dreams of teenage boys. I don't know. It's so unrealistic. And I think it's all from the male gaze. And it's just

I don't even have words.

Isn't it meant to turn you on? Isn't that the point?

Roula (03:07)
⁓ Yes, if we think of the previous episode when we're saying women are conditioned to please men, the entire porn industry is based on this with a lot of different kind of fantasies and subcategories, etc. But if we really look at it, this entire porn industry is for men and made by men.

Rosie (03:21)
Yeah. Yeah.

Mmm.

Roula (03:35)
And when

I say women should educate themselves on knowing what they like, watching porn is part of it, but not watching this porn.

Rosie (03:44)
So where, Roula do we find good porn? Is there such a thing?

Roula (03:48)
Yes,

there is. And this is why I want to talk about it today, because I want to spread the word that there are women, they have been working in corporation. I know two women in corporations being executive, high executive in marketing and doing incredible job for these corporations. And then they decide one of them was sacked and one decided to stop. And these two ladies,

couldn't find, just like us, couldn't find a porn glorifying women.

and they were fed up of the porn industry. So they started their own porn production made for women, created by women and focused on the real dynamic of having the watching the porn and a real dynamic in how women like to be treated.

Rosie (04:27)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Roula (04:50)
And I'm not always say nice, some women like to be treated rough, other like to be treated soft. So I'm not saying like it's all so good and Christian. No, it has also all kinds of categories that are found also in the male industry. But these categories are created in a way that woman is empowered to choose, decide and have what she want. So it's the opposite.

Rosie (05:11)
you

Mmm.

Roula (05:17)
But the good thing about what the women created is that when a man and woman, a partner and his two partner or one partner, if they want to be four partners, I don't know, are watching this, it first it teaches the man how women like to have to be flirted with, how they like to be touched and how they like to have the foreplay before they get into the act. And the act doesn't really have to always be sex.

So these porn website created by women are very educational in helping women know what they like and bringing back romance to couples. So by watching it together, men and women feel empowered watching this program or this whatever and don't feel they're watching something created by the male industry where the male is dominant, the women are doing what they want and liking it.

Rosie (06:15)
So do you think that...

Men enjoy porn. Because we've just said, okay, it's made by men for men. So do most men enjoy the porn that is out there?

Roula (06:33)
From what I read and what I heard and what I know, and probably people will tell me I'm wrong, all men watch porn.

Rosie (06:42)
Mmm.

Roula (06:44)
Whether they enjoy it, I don't know.

I don't know. Is it wrong to watch porn? No, because also men need to learn what they like, how they like things and what they want to do and practice. So this is not only for women. Men also have to find what they like. But the difference in the male industry, they're not learning how to be a good partner. They're just learning how to be a sexual thinking. They're doing it right because they learn something from porn. And that's the difference.

Rosie (06:55)
Yeah.

And there's more to sex than sex.

Roula (07:20)
Yes, yes.

Rosie (07:22)
⁓ And I think another thing with the porn industry that I have issue with is

Roula (07:24)
You asked me. Yeah, sorry. Go ahead.

Rosie (07:33)
What's the word? ⁓ The expectations it sets in terms of body image and what your body parts look like. And I think there is variety out there. I'm trying to think. You probably watch more porn than me. How many different types of men's body shapes do you see compared to women? I feel like there's a ⁓ pretty wide array now of different

body types of women? Is there for men too?

Roula (08:07)
Yes, the all look this no no no some men are

Rosie (08:11)
Yeah, but would you agree that there's now women...

But there's more porn now with women of different sizes, would you agree? Yeah, but men, you're saying no.

Roula (08:21)
There is. But not not on not

no, no, The male porn industry still have the stereotype kind of woman. And on this website, people post sometimes their own porn movies with their own partner or whatever. And they look not perfect. They look like human beings like us. The thing is that.

Rosie (08:38)
Mm. Yeah.

Run.

Roula (08:47)
Titles on the male industry porn movies is horrifying. Stepson, stepdaughter, ⁓ teenage girl, these titles that are given, they make me just want to break down my laptop.

Rosie (08:55)
⁓ boo!

Mmm.

Roula (09:07)
And this is how, where the wrong is starting with the titles without even clicking on these videos. In the woman industry created porn, there are no shitty titles like this. There are empowering titles and titles that are engaging for both in a kind of loving way and respectful way.

Rosie (09:17)
Mm.

What if people don't want the lovey-dovey stuff when they watch porn? Okay.

Roula (09:37)
They will find it also there because there are

also categories. But as I said, it's empowering women and men on there. It's not a one sided thing. And maybe it's leaning more towards the women. But I understand that because we need a good foreplay and a foreplay is not like two minutes. Maybe foreplay is even a week in doing.

Rosie (09:55)
Hmm.

wow. ⁓

Roula (10:01)
serving, doing nice things for the women, helping her in the house or with the kids or showing her love.

This is also foreplay. Foreplay is not just in the bed.

Rosie (10:10)
Wow. I think you just blew some listeners minds. Again, I'm using that very unfortunate turn of phrase. Blowing minds. I think it's fitting for episodes about sex. But you just said foreplay could be a week and it's not only in the bedroom. What a reframe. What a reframe.

Roula (10:11)
And I'm not saying that.

Definitely not.

Foreplay is the least in the bedroom. Foreplay will lead to the bedroom. And foreplay is in our day-to-day life, being kind to each other and loving and giving attention and doing things for each other that are not sexual even.

Rosie (10:50)
Mm.

Roula (10:52)
This is forplay play. Women need to feel this love to give love. And if they complain, the worst time for me to have sex is when I go to bed to sleep.

Because I don't want that. I want to sleep. Yeah. And when my partner does not think of this and other times of the day, how much is my partner thinking of me?

Rosie (11:10)
You want to sleep. Exactly.

Mmm. Wow.

Roula (11:24)
So these are also relationship talks. These are not just talks. The thing is rambling on this episode is not rambling, actually. I'm so glad. I want to tell people from all gender, there are websites that empower us, give us the love, the care, and all the categories we like to think of that are not... Well, one of them I remember, it's frolicme.

Rosie (11:46)
So what's the name of this website that the two ladies started?

Frolic or Frolic? Yeah.

Roula (11:53)
because I subscribe to it.

Frolick. F-R-O-L-I-C-M-E. Frolick me.

Rosie (12:02)
⁓ okay, yeah.

Roula (12:03)
I pronounced it wrong. And the other one, I have to put it in the show notes because I discovered it recently and I don't remember. It was actually on BBC. This is what I knew about it. It was an interview.

Rosie (12:09)
Mm.

And let's link back to our,

interview. Educating yourself. So in our last episode, you were asking, we were talking about, do you talk about sex with your partner or partners? So do, how do you approach this? You just said you have a subscription to this pornographic website. Do you talk to your husband about that?

Roula (12:38)
Of course. Of course. We don't hide it from each other because it's not, it's a good way to have a healthy relationship with our body first and then share it with our partner. And sometimes women feel, I don't know, probably some men do, offended or jealous. if they watch porn and they don't want me, which is wrong. That's not true.

Rosie (12:41)
So why is porn usually a secret?

Hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. ⁓

Roula (13:07)
Everything is with moderation.

The good thing is that partners, hopefully, they get to a point where they watch together.

Rosie (13:18)
Yeah, right.

Roula (13:21)
and open a conversation and not feel offended or come on, come on. You can't be, you can't possibly be in your, in the head of your partner. You can't. And you can't blame them for what, what their desire is. What you can do is talk about it and you don't have to agree with everything they want. But finding a middle way for both pleasure, that's the point of the conversation.

Rosie (13:32)
Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah.

I wonder how many new subscriptions that website's gonna get. What was it again? Frolicme. I wonder how it's meant to be pronounced. F-R-O-L-I-C-M-E. ⁓

Roula (13:57)
Yes, this is the one that I know.

Frolic. Frolic.

Rosie (14:06)
That's not

even how you spell frolic. Frolic me, I wonder. You need to have them on your podcast. The founder. You do, you do.

Roula (14:14)
Maybe. Yes. Yes.

And you asked me in the last episode how because I faked my orgasm until I got married. And why until I got married? Because I felt more free with my husband because we had sex talk with my first husband. And I didn't know how to have my orgasm until I watched porn. Did I watch the right porn? No. Yes. Yes.

Rosie (14:24)
yes, yes.

Mm-hmm.

So porn helped you? Okay, alright.

Roula (14:47)
And there are lot of predators walking outside. Sometimes porn prevents people from doing horrible things. So I'm not now praising porn. Please go and watch the right porn. And I will put them in the show notes because this is respectful. We can't ban porn. We need it to have a healthy sex life, but we need to educate ourselves on how to use it.

Rosie (15:11)
Hmm.

feel like you could teach us all a lot about this topic. This isn't just a passing phase for you. Like you deeply care about this.

Roula (15:29)
I since I was a I'm trying to understand this whole dynamic and the why and how come asking questions not exploring in sexual way just asking questions why it's like this why do we accept all this stuff

Rosie (15:48)
Yeah.

What if, okay, what's your reaction gonna be? You have to answer this quickly, even though it's not a surface level question. Cause I'm sure there's gonna be a day when you discover your son is watching porn. What's your reaction gonna be? Or do you think he's gonna tell you? Okay.

Roula (16:05)
Yeah, but this is why I want to get this book.

He should. He will. And my responsibility is to start educating him and showing him where to find the right stuff or what the right stuff mean, because, of course, I'm not going to log into a website with him. This is why I want to educate myself. And I mentioned this in my previous episode. I can't wait to start educating myself on how to talk to my son about it and how to advise him.

because now he's 10, so this is the time to talk about this stuff. He's still accepted. ⁓ And as a mom, I must accept that he will watch porn. He will masturbate because it's part of his development and it has nothing to do with me and it's none of my business.

Rosie (16:35)
This is the time, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah,

Roula (16:54)
I should let pay

attention to his behavior, to his school grades, to the people surrounding him. This is what matters, where I can have conversations with him, but he will have his personal life and I should not intervene because I will damage him. I need to and I involve his dad. Yeah, and I involve his dad in the parts that are not my area.

Rosie (17:12)
No. So you're just going to educate him. Right, yeah.

Yeah, because you can't possibly know it all.

Roula (17:25)
I'm not a boy. I'm not a man. His father is. Yeah. And for the single moms out there, it's important and I hope they can. It's not always possible to find a trustworthy male in their life so they can count on them to give their son the right education on these topics. It's very important. Yeah.

Rosie (17:29)
This is true, Yeah, so true.

Hmm. Right. Not that

the mothers can't give any education, right? You just, yeah. Okay. Hmm. Gosh, what a can of worms.

Roula (17:51)
True. True.

What a long episode. Should we wrap it up?

Rosie (17:59)
I guess so. Yeah.

Roula (18:01)
What do you have for our listeners? You always have a good question and call for action.

Rosie (18:07)
Call for action, ooh. ⁓

I go check out the website! I haven't seen it! Are you, have you, are you getting a kickback for this Roula? Are they paying you?

Roula (18:19)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm on a mission to help people elevate their relationship talks, their communication and their sex life. And I use now our platform to do this.

Rosie (18:31)
Yeah, and I love that. So maybe that's what people should do. Go check out the website. I am so curious. So I'm gonna go check it out. Right, yes. All right, catch you next time. Bye.

Roula (18:36)
We will leave them in the show notes.

Bye!