The Rosie and Roula Show

94: Video Call Etiquette

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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From flaky podcast hosts to full-blown bedroom backdrops, we’re diving headfirst into the wild world of video calls. Roula’s got rules, Rosie’s got rage, and between us, we’ve seen way too many pillows in professional meetings.

We cover:

  • When being "on time" is actually late
  • What to do when someone ghosts your call
  • The awkward art of apologising vs. owning it
  • Why your bed should not be part of the team meeting
  • And when it’s totally fair to just… hang up


Also, Roula confesses to a double no-show and somehow still comes out looking good. The woman is unstoppable.

If you’re jumping on a video call with a messy background and no plan to show up on time, maybe just don’t.


Listen to the Mel Robbins disrespect episode here: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-272/

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Rosie (00:01)
there's so many things to talk about.

Roula (00:04)
Something you like to talk about, so I ask you the question.

Rosie (00:08)
⁓

⁓ he's just a, he's one that gets my goat.

Roula (00:23)
Rosie, so last episode it was a heavy one and now it's totally different topic it's like we're going in a very confusing thing yeah I want to ask you what do you think the etiquette or the protocol in ⁓ video calls it's part of our life big part of our lives especially you and I so why what do

Rosie (00:32)
Whiplash. Yeah.

Mmm.

So like a more

formal Zoom meeting type thing, or do you just mean like FaceTime?

Roula (00:55)
No, no, more, more, no, not FaceTime. We have an appointment, a call, a video call with someone could be a friend, could be business, whatever. So tell me, tell me what is in your opinion, the protocol around it.

Rosie (00:59)
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay.

Yes, you do like etiquette protocol. This is, this is your jam. And you know what I'm realizing? I also quite like it. I hate to admit it. I'm not saying it again. No, don't look at me like that. Nope. Nope. You're knocking your mic because you're just that shocked. I never said anything. You're so excited. So I'm thinking of a time I had, um, I was a podcast guest actually on a podcast and I always sign on early five to 10 minutes.

Roula (01:24)
That's so exciting!

Rosie (01:39)
And in my head, I think there's this unspoken etiquette or rule that the person needs to be there five minutes early, at least, especially as a podcast host. You are hosting this person. You need to be prepared. You need to be on it. So it's five minutes before the meeting time and I'm getting nervous. Like where are they? And I'm messaging a couple of friends like, my God, I reckon they're not going to show up. Now like Rosie, it's not even the appointment time.

Like that's not the point. They felt it felt late to me. And then it was bang on the appointment time and I'm messaging my friend. Oh, they're just not coming. They thought I was mad. I messaged the podcast host. I'm like, is everything okay? No response. They logged on Roula 15 minutes late.

Roula (02:31)
And you waited 15 minutes.

Rosie (02:33)
I did

and I can't quite believe it. And they just said, sorry, I'm a little bit late. And I'm thinking that is like 15 minutes. Holy fuck. I was just, that to me is so incredibly rude. Now, of course we're going to have times where we're late.

But own it sorry, I'm a little bit late. Like, excuse me? And you didn't even communicate that to me ahead of time?

I, it just pisses me off. But to me, if you are on time to a video call, you are late.

if that makes sense. Does that make sense?

Roula (03:13)
It makes sense. ⁓ I wish I could disagree on this topic. We can't. It's so crucial for us to be on time.

Rosie (03:18)
You

Mmm.

Roula (03:23)
Being on time ⁓ is late because you still have to wear the headset. It's like today, today, I logged in 15 minutes earlier. But when I said my headset was not working, my microphone was not working, and it was already our meeting time. This is an example how being on time can be late. ⁓ Waiting 15 minutes, it's very generous from you. Really generous.

Rosie (03:41)
Mmm.

I you.

Mmm.

Roula (03:50)
And I don't know what the real protocol about how long you should wait when someone don't show up for the call. Yes.

Rosie (03:55)
you know what my rule is now? I

wait five minutes and then I log off, that's it. So when someone books in a time with me, I do pre-interviews for my podcast to screen people. In the booking form, I say, my time is precious. I use those words. I will wait five minutes. Otherwise I'll assume you're not coming.

Roula (04:00)
Yes.

Yeah, and if you, if you, mean, these people, if they got to be late, they have to tell you, I'm going to make it 10 minutes later, which is, which is great. I mean, that is, yeah, we, like this topic repeats in our, in our, because it's such a big part of our lives. ⁓ Being late is not the problem. Disrespecting the other person time is the problem.

Rosie (04:15)
That's it.

Right, unless it's communicated.

You

Communication. Yes.

Respecting time. That's right. Don't disrespect my time.

Roula (04:45)
and if someone is always late then they're disrespecting you or me because you have to fix it no this was actually i was listening to an episode from mel robbins and she rambled a lot i like i cannot stand how much she repeat the same sentences over and over again she kills me anyway the content is good it's just the presentation is too much

Rosie (04:48)
⁓ I don't think people realise that. Yeah.

Roula (05:13)
So I waited, it was like the 10 signs, five signs people disrespect you. And one of them, ⁓ I didn't agree on all of them, or I didn't experience all of them. One of them is when people show up late, time after time to an appointment with you.

Rosie (05:21)
Hmm.

Roula (05:30)
I strongly believe this. When people show up late, then they have something they need to fix in their life. And I'm not responsible for this. So if you have a person every time you're on a video call, they are late. I think we should draw the line of like, not making video calls anymore. I'm not talking to you anymore. This is drastic.

Rosie (05:40)
No, you're not, yeah.

Yeah, I'm not wasting my time.

When I, I used to work at a university, I shouldn't be too specific. There was someone, a male, probably in his sixties.

Why is that relevant? I don't know. I feel like I need to say that because it is behavior that seems to be typical in these sorts of settings. I had started quite a strategic role where I needed to work with people higher up in the university. And I needed to meet with this man and we arranged it via email. He just didn't turn up. And I emailed saying, hope everything's all right.

⁓ would you like to reschedule? So I was very, maybe it was a little bit too nice. And he responded, yeah, sorry. I was away on blah, blah, blah, blah. So it wasn't really sorry. We rescheduled. And again, he didn't turn up.

And I just, I think I even rescheduled a third time. And when he didn't show that time, I just went, fuck you. How disrespectful. I don't care how important you are, how much you get paid, what position you hold in the workplace and how much you think of me. If you think it's okay to repeatedly just not show up because it's not important to you, that's not okay.

I was just f- yes.

Roula (07:21)
Rosie.

I didn't show up twice with the same guest.

Rosie (07:29)
⁓ let's talk about it.

Roula (07:33)
Mm.

Both times, I was so excited to meet with this guest and I rushed in making an appointment the first time in a very busy day. At the guest in the US, the call was eight in the evening. I was so tired and did not remember the call. I even did not check my phone when my phone gave me the reminder.

Rosie (07:40)
Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Roula (08:03)
And before I go into what happened, I'll tell you the second time I had a very stressful week and because of my perimenopause, my brain fog is intense. I forget, I don't remember. It's not like I forget and I remember again. I forget and that's it. Things don't come to my mind anymore. It's gone. And that's also the second time. So the first time I have remembered after an hour.

Rosie (08:21)
Yeah, well, it's gone.

Roula (08:34)
And I immediately sent him an email telling him how awful it is for him to wait for me. And I didn't show up. What a kind of host I am. And I understand that this was a big convenience to him. I hope he will give me a second chance. That was the first time I asked for a second chance.

Rosie (08:46)
Mmm.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Roula (08:58)
And my email was so sweet because I knew I had to pre-interview with this person. I worked with him as I admire him because he's a podcaster about podcasting and I love his work. He said he replied is that don't worry, these things happen. He had it also before and it's not the end of the world. Let's reschedule. Yes, I rescheduled and then I didn't show up for the second time.

Rosie (09:07)
Yeah. Okay.

Perfect response, yeah.

Roula (09:27)
And that's this time I sent him an email telling him, listen, if you don't want to be on my show anymore, I fully understand. Like I'm so fucking embarrassed that I missed out our call. I was very genuine. I didn't. The thing is, I didn't care if he's going to be on my podcast again or not, because I understand if he doesn't.

Rosie (09:50)
Alright, yeah.

Roula (09:51)
You know what he did? He sent me a voicemail. these things truly happen and it's not what it's how we deal with them that he cares about.

Rosie (10:02)
Yes.

Yes.

Roula (10:05)
And because

I took responsibility and knew that I was so wrong in not showing up and did not make any excuses, he finds worth to have still make a new appointment.

Rosie (10:19)
Hmm,

that's really wise and I think you're right. You're right, it is how we deal or respond to it. In my situation, I was really annoyed because this person.

didn't apologize, they weren't accountable and I just felt mistreated. In your case, disrespected, yes, yeah. In your case, yeah, you forgot twice, which is awful, but you were genuine and you acknowledged it and just said, look, I totally understand if you don't want to come on, but I'd love a second chance. And look at how they responded.

Roula (10:38)
disrespected you.

Rosie (10:59)
And I think I would have responded the same if I didn't know you and you had had, yeah, reached out in the same way if you hadn't turned up. Absolutely.

Roula (11:10)
It did keep me awake for a few nights because I couldn't believe that I have missed twice the same person. How awful, how awful. Yeah. On the other hand, when someone doesn't show up, first time I ask, maybe there is really a good reason why they didn't show up. So I inquire what if they're OK, what happened. And it's true. There is reply tells me if I want to reschedule or not.

Rosie (11:12)
Ooooo

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah!

Right.

Roula (11:40)
as podcast host. Sometimes I don't reschedule because they've been disrespectful and not acknowledging it. How long should we wait if someone doesn't show up when you're in a call? And I like what you do is that you warn them. I'll wait five minutes. That's it. Yeah.

Rosie (11:43)
Mm. Mm-hmm.

⁓

ready to leave after

60 seconds, honestly. And this is, it sounds a bit judgmental or a bit ridiculous because that's 60 seconds. And I've been late to these calls before. I have. I'd be devastated if someone didn't wait. you know what? I've got an example. Cause you know how we've had episodes where we talk about apologizing. I had this appointment.

with, I was getting advice on a business matter that had legal things involved. I was three minutes late, I think. I would have been on time, but I was having technical difficulties and I was just so flustered. Anyway, I got on and usually I'd be apologizing profusely, but you know what I said? Thank you so much for waiting. I know I'm late.

How would you respond if I said that instead of apologizing?

Roula (12:57)
I appreciate it. So I have something else about also call. What if the person you're having a call with, ⁓ you can't hear them clearly. And no matter how much you say, I can't hear you clearly. Nothing changes.

Rosie (12:58)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Mhm.

Roula (13:19)
Like the quality of the call is so bad. So, so, and it's not because the bad connection or no, it's just their microphone is not working properly or they're sitting far away. And ⁓ so how to deal with this, how to say, you know, this is not working for me. I am going to hang up. I had this few days ago and I didn't say this is not working for me. And I kept talking. I was guesting on a podcast.

Rosie (13:21)
Yeah. When do you hang out?

yeah.

Mmm.

Roula (13:50)
And I'm thinking, what do I do? I don't know. I haven't been in this situation before.

Rosie (13:57)
I think we

just have to call it. We do, don't we? You could maybe have one more try if you really want to make it work. But why put yourself through that? I bet it was really annoying not being able to hear their responses properly and their questions.

Roula (14:12)
True, and also it actuates the accent. We all speak it English, but when people have a heavy accent or more an accent towards the French, to a, I don't know, accent, then the words that I know, they're not even sounding familiar to me.

Rosie (14:16)
mmm makes it even harder.

Right, yeah.

Roula (14:31)
And I think I answered the question twice wrong despite that I said if that person can repeat the question because I'm trying to listen. And that was tough. Yeah. So in this situation, you would say, say, sorry, I can't hear you clearly. There's no way we can continue.

Rosie (14:48)
Yeah, we need to

it's very easy for me to say, yes, that's what I do. I don't think I've ever done that. ⁓ actually on a podcast I have, we've tried going in and out a couple of times and I haven't ever canceled one. So yeah, if it's a conversation that's important to me, I'll try a couple of times to make it work. But I think, yeah, there needs to be a point, go, you know what, this isn't working. Let's just take a beat, have a rain check. We'll try and organize it again and see if we can make it work.

Because it is a waste of people's time. Really? ⁓ fuck, yeah.

Roula (15:16)
Yes. Okay, I have another question.

So we started about being late on Zoom, but now it's whole kind of other thing. All right. Sometimes the guests or the person you're having a call, they're calling from their bedroom and you see their bed behind them. What do you think about that?

Rosie (15:26)
⁓ what a thing, yeah.

Yeah, don't know if I'm ⁓ allowed to comment because I don't know my background sometimes are interesting but yeah, I don't know having a bed in the background, it does make me go, you're in very personal space there.

Roula (16:00)
Yes, this is how I feel. That's such a personal space. No stranger come to my bedroom.

Rosie (16:02)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you'll notice

where I'm sitting. My bed is to my right. In fact, I think you can see part of it, but I've put like a TV monitor to try and block most of it because it, yeah, it's like this, it's your personal space. Why is that part of the video call? Unless it's a call that is kind of appropriate to have there, a different kind of call. I don't know.

But yeah, I find that strange.

Roula (16:33)
It was, had the first time this crossed my mind. I was still working at the office and we had big all hands meeting for the entire company all over the world. And there was this, this CEO or vice president, someone highly ranked in the company. And he was calling in on a huge screen from his bedroom with a bed behind them, behind him. And I was, I couldn't focus on what he's saying because in my mind I'm like thinking.

Rosie (16:47)
Mm.

my god. my god.

Roula (17:02)
Come on, no one told you you can't have the call from your bedroom, you can have the call from your bedroom, but find some different angle.

Rosie (17:12)
Again, it's etiquette.

You know what I do in that situation if my background's a bit questionable, I'll just put the blurry background filter on. Why not?

Roula (17:20)
yeah yeah

definitely why not this is why the blurry filter is there to have yes yes

Rosie (17:26)
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so maybe

don't jump on your Zoom call with your bed in the background. Especially if it's unmade and messy. I've seen that before. At least have the bed made.

Roula (17:40)
would you would you say okay we're not going to record your bandismacy what do you do

Rosie (17:46)
I don't think I would say that, but I would notice it. I would definitely notice it.

Roula (17:53)
Cool, cool. Okay, let's shall we wrap it up because this is becoming a long episode about Zoom.

Rosie (17:57)
Yeah. I don't know what the point or the answer

to this episode was, but there was a lot of etiquette wrapped in there. Don't go on a zoom call with your bed behind you in a formal setting. If you're chatting to a friend, yeah, sure. Why not? And what's the other thing? Zoom calls. Yeah. Don't be late. Video call. Yeah. Well, yes. Fine. Video calls.

Roula (18:07)
No.

Video calls, because not everyone is using Zoom.

Rosie (18:21)
Don't be late.

Roula (18:21)
Wait five minutes and go. And don't be late.

Rosie (18:24)
or what set

the boundary for yourself. You might wait one or two minutes. Doesn't matter. You set your boundary, but communicate it to the other person too. If they don't know.

Mmm, well, yeah, I dunno. Whatever, this is, yeah-

Roula (18:39)
I just said don't be

late what a hypocrite I am I mean if you're late or you don't show up own it

Rosie (18:42)
Why?

Yes,

own it. That's the moral of this episode. Own it. You're gonna be late. Shit happens. You're gonna embarrass yourself. You're gonna offend people. Just own it. That's all.

Roula (19:02)
own it.

Let's own it. Bye!

Rosie (19:07)
Bye.