The Rosie and Roula Show

91: Are you intimidated by people who have packed weekend plans While you have none.

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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“Why Do You Care What I’m Doing This Weekend?” 

This week, Rosie and Roula tackle one of the most casually intrusive questions in everyday conversation: "What are your weekend plans?" It sounds harmless. But is it? 

Rosie shares a painfully awkward grocery store exchange that led her to question the social script we've all internalized that weekends must be busy, full of activity, and worth reporting. Roula explores how expectations around productivity and plans shape our sense of worth, and how doing "nothing" is often quietly judged. 

From pressure to swim at the beach to unsolicited travel recommendations, this episode is a gentle rebellion against the glorification of busy   and an invitation to simply be. 

This episode explores:  

• The pressure to have weekend plans (and make them sound interesting)  

• Why doing nothing makes people uncomfortable  

• The subtle shame of spontaneity in a hyper-scheduled world  

• How asking “what are your plans?” can unintentionally trigger anxiety  

• And why “no plan” is a plan 


Takeaways 

  • Many people feel pressured to have weekend plans. 
  • It's common to feel awkward when asked about weekend plans. 
  • Spontaneity can be more fulfilling than a packed schedule. 
  • Fear of missing out affects people of all ages. 
  • Traveling without a strict plan can lead to freedom and enjoyment. 
  • It's okay to say you have no plans without feeling guilty. 
  • Meaningful conversations can replace small talk about weekend plans. 
  • Self-care should be prioritized over social expectations. 
  • Finding a balance between structure and spontaneity is key. 
  • Being kind to oneself is essential, regardless of weekend activities. 

 If you've ever lied about your weekend to avoid awkward silence or felt judged for not making the most of a sunny Saturday, this one's for you.   

weekend plans, social pressure, fear of missing out, spontaneity, travel, meaningful conversations, self-care 

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Rosie (00:00)
soon, 100 episodes. Not yet, anyway. What are we talking about, Roula

Roula (00:08)
Alright, here we go. A question that we ask others, that is, what are your weekend plans?

Rosie (00:19)
for fuck's sake.

We are so in sync this week, Roula. I was talking to a friend about this just the other day because I had an extremely awkward conversation with someone at the grocery store about just this. I really dislike it when people ask me that because I'm the kind of person who generally has no plans. I like just chilling out. I'm very spontaneous. It is rare for me to have plans.

Can I just tell this story? I'm ready to go on a rant.

Roula (01:05)
I love it! Continue.

Rosie (01:06)
Okay, so I'm sure you have the same. We can do click and collect orders at the grocery store. So you go online, you put your order in, you pay for it, and then you go to the grocery store at an allocated time and they bring it out to your car. So I did this the other day. It's very convenient for me. I don't overspend. It's good because I don't have to worry about Tilly in the van. So a young guy comes out from the grocery store with my groceries and

I don't like paying for bags, so I bring my own and he's helping me pack them. And goes, ⁓

How was your good Friday? Cause it's Easter. And I yeah, it was fine. Like I never know what to say. And he goes, Oh, what did you get up to? And I'm like, I said, Oh, well I ate lots of chocolate. And he just, he went, Oh, well that's always good. Anything else? And I just thought, Oh, no. He goes, Oh, any plans for today? Uh, no. And Roula I felt like I had to make something up. So I said, Oh, well I'm a podcast host for two.

two podcasts, so I'll probably record some episodes today. I definitely was not recording episodes that day. And then he goes, what are your podcasts about? And I really embarrassed myself for a while. So I explained my personal podcast. And then you know what I said about what our podcast is about? I said, it's just a lot of banter, short episodes about the things that matter and maybe don't matter so much. And we ask questions like why do men have nipples?

Roula (02:29)
Tell me.

Rosie (02:41)
And there was just this really awkward silence. Just he hadn't, he didn't say anything. I thought it might get a laugh and break the ice a little bit. Nope. I thought, great. Cool. That's what you get for asking me what I'm doing on the weekend. Yes. And then it ended very awkwardly. And I messaged a friend going, why do people ask that? Do they really care what I'm doing on the weekend?

Roula (02:55)
And that ended.

Rosie (03:09)
It makes me feel uncomfortable. And do they actually give a shit? I doubt it.

Roula (03:16)
just trying to have a conversation, to be friendly, ⁓ lacking the skills of knowing what to say and not to say because he's a stranger just helping you put your groceries in the car. Yeah, you know, this is something, Rosie, is that you felt the pressure to invent stories about your weekend.

Rosie (03:18)
Yeah. Yeah!

Yes.

That's exactly what I did. I felt guilty but I'm like, have to say something.

Roula (03:47)
So what's wrong with saying nothing? No plans.

Rosie (03:50)
I've said it before and there's always just an awkward silence. And then I don't know what to fill it with so I go, what are you up to this weekend? What are your plans? And then the awkwardness just continues.

Roula (04:02)
Mmm, yes, yes, because weekends must be packed, planned, so many things to do, lovely things to do, mostly. Yeah. Yes, the plans for the weekend.

Rosie (04:10)
Yeah. Right. Yeah.

I've got an important question. What are your plans for the weekend, Roula?

Roula (04:21)
Mm.

This weekend. ⁓ Yeah, have a coffee in the morning without the pressure of going doing groceries before it gets too busy at the shop.

Rosie (04:27)
Yeah, tomorrow.

them? Is that how you would genuinely answer it?

Roula (04:42)
Yeah, I have no problem in saying I have no plans and I don't get intimidated if people have packed weekends with lovely plans and because in my mind I'm there I'm like when are you fucking going to rest? Monday will come you'll be exhausted. This is what goes on my mind.

Rosie (04:46)
Mm.

Right? I find people with busy

social lives just, I, it fills me with stress and anxiety. The, how busy they are catching up with people and doing this and going to the shops and going to a party and blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm just like, ew, sounds terrible. Just chill out.

Roula (05:22)
For my age,

this doesn't work. For your age, it surprises me. And not anymore. My kid, who's gonna be 22 in a few weeks or in a month, she loves her easygoing life. And I don't know if Gen Z are better at this or it's a character. I don't know. She plans her days, her weekends in a way that she must have time to rest.

Rosie (05:33)
22. Yeah. ⁓

Mmm.

Roula (05:52)
to recover. And I appreciate this so much because fear of missing out is not only for the young generation, it's for everyone.

Rosie (06:03)
Mmm.

Roula (06:05)
And when we don't want to take part with activities because we just want to be at home or do our own thing, maybe not at home, do our own thing, there's a fear of missing out. It's weekend. We work the whole week. We must do something fun. We have to go here. We should do that and see this person.

Rosie (06:25)
Wow,

is that the pressure you feel? Cause I don't feel that. ⁓ good, yeah.

Roula (06:28)
I don't. I don't feel this pressure.

But this pressure exists with others. And also in the conversation, the fact that the first thing we say on Monday morning when we go to work or whatever, how was your weekend?

Rosie (06:34)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Roula (06:46)
And it might come from a good place because they wish you a good weekend, right? ⁓ And many feels uncomfortable when they say, I did nothing.

Rosie (06:48)
I think it does.

Yeah, I do feel

uncomfortable when I say that because the question they're asking assumes that there is something you did.

Roula (07:05)
Yeah. And what you did is never enough. Maybe you binge watched a series. Is this enough for a weekend? Shouldn't you have done something more? And I have to say here in the Netherlands, I feel pressure when it's nice weather on the weekend, because we don't often have nice weather. So when it's sunny on the weekend and I don't go out to do something in nature. I feel bad because I'm missing out.

Rosie (07:10)
⁓

Roula (07:36)
on enjoying the weather outside. This is the only time on the weekend where I feel bad for not doing something.

Rosie (07:45)
You know what? That's so true. That's so true. I mean, in Australia, we have a lot of beautiful weather, like most of the year. But what resonated with me, for example, is when I might go to a coastal town and there's a beautiful beach. I feel pressure to go for a swim because how could you go to the beautiful beach and not go for a swim? How very dare you? Like, what a waste.

And this happened to me last year, because traveling in the van, I see a lot of beautiful places. And I just stopped myself and went, I don't want to go for a swim actually.

What's wrong with that? I can just enjoy the ocean and not swim because that's what I want to do. If I went for a swim, it's because I think other people think that I should.

Roula (08:35)
Yes, but this takes us a little bit maybe in the same realm of the question, but not specifically to weekends. It also happened that, and I think these friends are listening and they're going to be upset that I'm saying this. When I said I'm going, we plan to go to Normandy to do the D-Day tour because my husband and I, feel very much strong about freedom and the war, et cetera.

Rosie (09:02)
Mm-hmm.

Roula (09:04)
And then when I said we're going to Normandy, I had a few people immediately bombarding me. What should we see? Where should we go? Et cetera. First, I had the feeling of, why do you think I don't know what I'm going to do there? Why do you feel that you have to bombard me with your ideas? Because you are afraid I'm going to miss out on what you thought it's beautiful.

And then we are there, and there is so much to see and to do. We're only there for three days. We have to choose. We have to pick our priorities and also what he likes, what my son like, what I like. The good thing, we did not feel at all we're missing out on anything. Each one was clear on what our goal from this.

And we did not listen to anything because you're bombarded. There are so many flyers, so many places to visit. There is so much. I don't have to see everything. I don't.

Rosie (10:01)
⁓ and everyone's got an opinion. Yeah, yes.

But you know, on the flip side, I have people ask me what my plans are, because I'm in a van and I travel, and they cannot understand that I often don't have a plan.

What's wrong with that? Why are they assuming I have a plan and I must have a very strict itinerary?

Roula (10:31)
⁓ that.

Rosie (10:33)
it's the opposite. I don't know what my plan is. The whole point of moving into the van was to have freedom and flexibility.

Roula (10:35)
Yeah.

Rosie (10:43)
Let's do what I feel like. don't know where I'm going, but I am constantly asked it all the time. Rosie, where are you going after this? Where are you going once you fix your van? You know what say? I don't know.

and then it's very awkward silence.

Roula (10:57)
Because it's scary. Even I, maybe I didn't ask you the question, but I do think what's your, not in a way what's your plan, but which route are you taking and which direction you're going. I don't ask this question because now I know you enough, though not having a plan is also a plan.

Rosie (11:08)
Mmm.

Yeah.

Ooh, this is true. Yeah.

Roula (11:27)
because not everyone wants A, B, C, You don't have a plan. This doesn't mean you don't know what you're going to do next. What you're going to do next is how you feel on that day. What you're going to do next is when you wake up and you want to go in the direction of the sea, that's your plan.

Rosie (11:31)
Mmm.

What a cool reframe.

Roula (11:57)
We measured it because you know, Rosie, when there is a family and the job, if you don't have a plan and a structure, it's chaos. And we're used to that. Even even in these settings, when there is so much around you that you're taking care of, or you have a job, you have to be at the office, et cetera. It's also nice not to have a plan for one day in a week. Let's just.

Rosie (12:06)
Mmm.

Yeah,

chill out. Do what comes to you.

Roula (12:27)
I know someone who tells

me someone tells me the first time I heard that. I don't know what we're going to do. We're going to play it by the ear.

Rosie (12:36)
Yes. Where does that saying come from? How does that make sense? Play it by ear. But yes.

Roula (12:42)
I don't know.

And that was too much for me because I want to have a structure and plan and not anymore this much. Luckily, I'm happy not anymore. I learned from this person, actually.

Rosie (12:46)
Yeah, yeah

Mmm.

Roula (12:59)
I learned she's my niece. And yeah, I learned from her because I observed what it means to her played by the ear. And I realized sometimes if I do the same, I will come to nice, spontaneous opportunities.

Rosie (13:01)
Okay.

Yes, isn't

it beautiful? And I think it's just about balance. You can have a strict plan and itinerary, or you can have more of a play it by ear approach. There's a time and place for both of them, I think.

Roula (13:33)
Wonderful, yes, time or place. Just feel what we feel like doing. also should be allowed.

Rosie (13:41)
Yes, yes, stop pressuring people and maybe stop asking, how was your weekend? What are you doing this weekend? Shut up, ask a more meaningful question. Skip the small talk.

Roula (13:53)
Right? Ask.

Yeah. So what would be the meaningful question you want to ask me about my upcoming weekend?

Rosie (14:00)
What are you doing? No, no. What are you doing again? I was going to say, what are you doing for yourself this weekend? But again, I'm putting pressure on you for what are you doing?

I don't know. I don't think I need to ask about the weekend.

Roula (14:15)
Now, how about whatever you're doing this weekend, be gentle to yourself.

Rosie (14:22)
I love that. I love that. Whatever you're doing this weekend, be gentle to yourself or be kind to yourself.

Roula (14:31)
Yes, dear listener, whatever you're doing, be kind and gentle to yourself. Bye.

Rosie (14:32)
Mmm.