The Rosie and Roula Show

92: Accepting Compliments - Why Can’t We Just Say Thank You?!

• Roula Abou Haidar and Rosie Burrows

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You know that awkward moment when someone gives you a compliment and instead of saying “thanks,” you spiral into excuses, self-deprecation, or telling them exactly where you bought it on sale? Yep. We’re talking about that.

In this episode, we unpack: – Why accepting compliments feels so damn uncomfortable

  • What you're really doing when you deflect or downplay praise
  • How giving and receiving compliments can be a two-way joy-fest (without being weird)
  • And the surprising power of just saying… “thank you”

Roula shares a sweaty-palmed compliment story (spoiler: it went well), Rosie sets herself a public praise challenge, and Tilly the dog demands her own round of compliments.

Next time someone says something nice about you: try not to run away. Just say thank you.

Do you accept compliments like a pro or panic and change the subject?

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Roula (00:00)
I'm so hungry now.

Rosie (00:02)
You're hungry. I'm hungry actually. So let's hurry up and get this episode out of the way. Cause I want to eat.

Roula (00:07)
Yes, yes.

I'm having so much fun. Is my lipstick still good or do have to fix it?

Rosie (00:22)
Me too!

I think you'd have put some more on.

Roula (00:27)
Okay.

Rosie (00:29)
I shouldn't have said that because now it's gonna take longer.

No, no,

Roula (00:37)
Where is it? Here.

Rosie (00:44)
Rula's just reapplying her lipstick. Gotta look good for the cat. look at that. Yes, that made such a difference. Mm, beautiful. Okay.

Roula (00:53)
Let's go.

Yes. Oops.

Rosie (00:56)
That

lipstick Roula looks beautiful.

Roula (01:00)
Thank you, Rosie. You lift me up and then you put me down on the episodes. I don't know how to deal with this.

Rosie (01:01)
Perfect.

I did not, well,

let's just, I wanna talk about how we receive compliments. And you can hear Tilly making sounds. So apologies, dear listeners. You're gonna hear my dog. Accepting compliments. You, I think, did a really good job. I said your lipstick was beautiful and you said thank you. Perfect. But how many people in your life rule, huh?

say thank you when you give them a compliment. That's their first response. They actually take on the compliment.

Roula (01:41)
Very little, very little.

Rosie (01:43)
Exactly. Why?

Roula (01:47)
This takes me back to one of our episodes that we should love ourselves and praise ourselves.

Rosie (01:52)
Exactly. Exactly.

And I love that you said that because I had a friend, I have a friend, not had, not past tense. And I was praising her, giving her a compliment and she kept downplaying it. I said, excuse me, no. And you know what I said? I said, you need a bit of Rosie and Roula wisdom. And I sent her the episode about celebrating yourself. I don't know if she listened to it, but, but this is like a followup. We need to learn to accept.

Roula (02:17)
phone.

Rosie (02:21)
Compliments for example, I'm we're gonna do a roleplay. Give me a compliment

Roula (02:27)
I gave you so many when we started and now I'm blank. All right, Rosie, I really, really like the color you're wearing today. It brings the skin color you have. It's beautiful. Good choice.

Rosie (02:30)
you're all out.

it's just something I pulled out. You know, I didn't, didn't even think about it. I just put it on. It's nothing. How does that make you feel when I respond like that?

Roula (02:52)
I wasted my time giving you some compliment. Waste of my time. Yes. You like throw it to the ground, you stepped on it, you mashed it, you ruined it.

Rosie (02:54)
Yeah, I've just shoved it in your face. Yeah, I've just dismissed.

right? Just fucking take the compliment. This person and-

Roula (03:10)
Okay,

when did you learn this? Because you and I, didn't start with this idea. You and I, we downplayed compliments, that's for sure.

Rosie (03:16)
Mm.

This is true. I think we're conditioned to do that, especially as women. You can't, you can't just accept a compliment. That's you being egotistical and just showing off. You can't just say, thank you. That means you think what the other person is saying is true. How up yourself.

Roula (03:35)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Also, ⁓ when we receive a compliment, we want to downplay it because we don't want to show that we made an effort for it. We don't want to sound arrogant, self-confident, happy with ourselves, proud of ourselves. We want to destroy this compliment just to make the other one feel better. And that's all in our mind.

Rosie (04:13)
Say that we want to destroy the compliment to make the other person feel better. What do you mean?

Roula (04:18)
Yes.

I have an example. I'm constant of it. And I learned that I have to stop a long time ago. always, and when I use the word always, I mean every day, wherever I go, even if I'm going to throw the trash, I put on my lipstick. I wear my lipstick. And I have compliments from women not wearing lipstick. They complimenting my lipstick.

Rosie (04:38)
Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

Roula (04:47)
In the beginning, I downplayed it because in my eyes, they looked that they are neglecting themselves. So if you compliment my lipstick, why don't you wear lipstick too?

Rosie (05:00)
Mmm.

Roula (05:01)
this idea I had. And then I didn't want to make them feel like they're not, because they're not wearing lipstick, they don't look good.

Rosie (05:13)
Wow.

Roula (05:13)
And I

learned with time is that they're complimenting me for my lipstick. I should take it because when they looked at it, it made them feel this feeling. So why am I taking away this feeling from them? I love my lipstick and I'm happy they liked it too. So it's a win-win.

Rosie (05:27)
Wow.

Yeah.

Yeah. That's an interesting take.

This is true, you pay someone a compliment. It does give you a feeling, doesn't it? When you're giving someone a compliment, like I said, say, your shade of lipstick you're using is beautiful. Like I look at it I'm like, yes, you look bold and fierce. I don't want to wear it. Yeah, this is true. Yeah. Yeah.

Roula (05:51)
made you happy. When you complimenting me or when I compliment you, we're

doing something that makes our day too.

Rosie (06:02)
So true.

Roula (06:06)
and we take it away from the other person.

Rosie (06:10)
Yeah, need, people need to cut that out. It can feel very strange to say thank you. I found it very uncomfortable at first.

now I'm just, thank you. And I might. Exactly. You don't have to justify it. You don't have to downplay it. Nothing. Just thank you so much.

Roula (06:23)
And don't add anything to it.

And please don't share where you bought it, what's the brand and all the stuff, or how you found it, and don't do that.

Rosie (06:36)
⁓ fuck, why do we do that? Why do we

do that? That's so true!

Roula (06:42)
And this

one, I learned it from my husband. He said to me, don't do this because if they want to know where you got it from, they will ask.

Rosie (06:45)
Okay.

Tree. Tree.

Roula (06:57)
That made so much sense.

Rosie (06:58)
God, just make, ⁓ wow. So true. Yeah, it's simple. I don't think I have anything to add, but people just need to say thank you. Tilly is being very vocal in this episode.

Roula (07:10)
Tilly wants to go outside. She wants a compliment.

Rosie (07:12)
Tilly, you are beautiful. Yes, you're beautiful. I wish you could see her. Her head's going like side to side.

She's listening.

Roula (07:22)
So cute. And

you know earlier when we started recording today, I was describing my shirt and telling you that you're also looking good and you stand up and you showed me the shorts. You were proud of the effort you made for your outfit today. And this didn't sound like you're downplaying it. On the contrary, this looked you're proud and you're taking the compliment in a good way. It doesn't always happen that you have the opportunity to do this.

Rosie (07:35)
Yeah!

True. Yeah.

Roula (07:52)
And it's okay, just say thank you when someone got a compliment, awesome.

Rosie (07:56)
Yeah,

I mean you might not necessarily agree with what they're saying, but don't invalidate them. They're sharing something with you. I actually think you have to be quite vulnerable to give someone a compliment. Don't you?

Roula (08:10)
Wow, this is getting out of your way to make someone's day.

Rosie (08:18)
Yeah. You know what I find really hard? I reckon you'd be good at this because you like flirting. I mean, flirting's fun, but it's out of my comfort zone. But you know when you see a stranger and you think, they smell really good or, ⁓ wow, look at what they're wearing or just something. I don't think I have ever paid a stranger like that a compliment because I'm like, what if they take it the wrong way? You know, like I'm like, I just don't.

But I have a feeling you do compliment strangers. Am I right?

Roula (08:53)
Absolutely, absolutely. I complimented a stranger yesterday. Yes, I was in the waiting room at the hospital and there was this lady wearing beautiful colors. I liked her style and what was remarkable for me, everything she was wearing is the colors of our brand, You and I. The yellow, the dark purple, the light purple.

Rosie (08:57)
Yeah.

Wow

Roula (09:19)
And she noticed I'm looking at her. Even her socks were chosen with intention, her shoes, everything was intentional. She was reading, but noticed in the corner of her eye that I'm looking at her. And I wasn't shy. I was looking at her, appreciating what she's wearing. And then when she lifted her head up, I asked her, it looked to me that you intentionally put on your outfit today. She said, yes, I did.

Rosie (09:35)
Yeah.

Roula (09:47)
And I'm like, I want to compliment you for it. I love everything about it.

And then we got into the conversation and then I told her I love the colors because they are our brand. This is why I noticed, et cetera. But in the beginning, when I gave her the compliment, she just said, thank you. And this showed so much confidence. I loved it.

Rosie (09:59)
Mmm. ⁓

Yeah. And did it make you feel good giving that compliment?

Roula (10:11)
Yeah, in a way, look, when I gave it, yes, my hands were sweating, my heart is beating because do I want to do this? It doesn't come, it's not like when I do it, I don't feel it. On the contrary, I feel it so much in my body that I have to make a decision. Do I let it out or I suck it in?

Rosie (10:12)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Mmm.

Roula (10:32)
And yes, I felt this adrenaline of complimenting a stranger, and that was a long compliment, actually. And we both enjoyed it. And after that, that's it. I didn't harass her. I left her. She's doing her thing. I'm doing my thing. So it's not like she became my best friend. Because sometimes we're scared to talk to people because we're also scared they want to have a conversation.

Rosie (10:50)
Yeah, Yeah. ⁓

Hmm, I think I want to set myself a challenge to compliment a stranger.

Roula (11:02)
People love to tell them, you smell so good.

Rosie (11:05)
I don't, I often think, someone walked past, go, whoa, they smell so, like, that smells so good. And in my head, I'm going, my God, if I say something, they're gonna think I'm making it sexual or weird. I just go, they're gonna take it the wrong way. But can I not just say you smell really good?

Roula (11:17)
you

How about...

Why not? They will go and tell everyone, today there was this person or their lover or their daughter, their friend, there was this person that said I smell so good. And they will, next day they want someone to tell them this again.

Rosie (11:40)
Listeners, go compliment somebody. But actually, no, that wasn't the point of this episode, was it? The point of the episode is when someone compliments you, say thank you. That is it. Just take that compliment on, sit in it, feel the awkwardness as you say thank you. And maybe just reflect on why you're feeling so uncomfortable.

Roula (12:00)
Yes. Enjoy this episode as much as we did.

Rosie (12:01)
Yes. Did we actually agree

on this? There was no bickering in this episode.

Roula (12:09)
No, no, we do agree and we both know it's a practice, it's falling and getting up. It's something that we have to intentionally accept and do.

Rosie (12:20)
Yeah. There you go. Say thank you. Next time someone gives you a compliment and if you're feeling really brave, go give a stranger a compliment. It's going to feel amazing.

Roula (12:30)
Yes.

Rosie (12:32)
you